Happy Halloweencoming 2004
This week was JMU's Homecoming along with Halloween, and boy I must say that this bloody nose was well worth it. (I have freakish sporadic cases of blood runneth out of my nose, there's no telling when it will happen but when it does, I normally do not embrace it but since it was a great weekend I decided to let it run its course.)
Sam and his Army buddy Wild came up to spend the weekend up here and sleep on my couches. Saturday morning, we headed over to the usual 1589 for kegs and eggs at 9:30 am. Highlights included Ryan's and my victory over the alum for the beer pong Alumni grudge match in which we whooped Geoff Baio's and Jeff Loftus' sorry little asses and made them wish they never were born, let alone graduate college a long fucking time ago, and then some other events that happened that should be mentioned as highlights because I started this sentence with a plural and I only wrote one.
After ingesting cinnamon rolls, pancakes, homecoming bagels, fucking eggs, cupcakes, cookies, lots of beer, and getting moneyshots in the mouth with the Super Beer Soaker, James packed up the Elantra to head to the stadium where the JMU Dukes played the fake miltary VMI flamefaces. Keep in mind that James was the only sober being in the car, while everyone else screamed out the window at innocent passerbys. Highlights include Sam borrowing EBIII's baseball cap and then letting it fly out the window on the highway, and us getting pulled over by a state trooper on foot. He asked if anybody had been drinking and of course Wild, Sam, and myself forked over our ID's (I felt left out as I do not swallow beer, but merely pull off the drinking and being drunk facade like a champ). The trooper, realizing he had nothing on us, warned Wild that he would get him being drunk in public. Wild snapped back "But, sir, I'm in a car." Trooper mentioned that we were on state property and he could damn well write us up. We all laughed inside ourselves and it was deafening.
Fifty yards down the road, James cranked up the JMU Fight Song and we kept on screaming at innocent little children while the JMU cops gave us thumbs up. Then Wild just went crazy and ambushed every girl possible, clapped in their faces, and sang the fight song at the top of his lungs. Every girl possible, mind you. I think I have heard that damn song more this weekend more times than I listened to Avril's Sk8er boi which I had on loop for three days straight during sophomore year. Sam and Wild were defintely the most school spirited students at the game, whereas they don't even go here, and another non-JMU student Bewalder chimed in with his "Keown, Keown, Keown, YOU SUCK" chants. Our friends rock.
After the game, we came home to eat lard and crash for a few hours before going back out for Round 2 at 9 pm. Twelve intoxicated hours catches up to you before you know it. We went back to 1589 where JMU girls took advantage of the one holiday to dress up as sluts and not be frowned upon, and guys finally had an excuse to walk around in spandex. (Wild was Captain America and his wedgie was far from not being nonexistant.)
Sadly, as I am the King of Costumes (well Danwho has good costumes too, but Ed called me the King of Costumes and he probably told the same thing to Danwho but whatever, I like to feel like a used whore), I did not bother to dress up. Partly due to the fact that I wanted to let all my other friends have the spotlight for once, but mainly due to the fact that I am a lazy noncreative sloth. I also did not take many pictures of people in costumes because I wanted the masses to not get the impression that I did not dress up, but considering the fact that I just told you that I didn't, I did not need to write this sentence but most importantly, you did not need to read it.
Also, as my twin brother Christian proclaimed that because we get an extra hour this weekend with the turning back of the clocks, we are drinking until Wednesday.
Posted by Smit at 07:57 PM
I want a piece of Ashlee Lipsyncson
VISIT WWW.DANWHO.NET FOR THE FIRST AND LATEST BREAKING ASHLEE SIMPSON NEWS. HE MADE UP THE NAME LIP SYNCSON AND HE ALSO MADE THAT PICTURE ON THE RIGHT.
Now that this Ashlee Simpson lip-synching scandal is old news, I decided it was appropriate that I keep up with my consistent being behind the times rep and post on this matter, as well. But instead, I will merely point out the fact that Ashlee Simpson is hot and her songs are purely brilliant. There is nothing you can say to take me away from my girl.
I also want to take this opportunity that you have so graciously given me to offer you some high quality tee shirts so that you can proudly wear so nobody will ever forget Miss Simpson's memorable SNL performance.
Right now, there are only two shirts in the shop... my favorite, which slogan I have copyrighted and will sick my legal sharks on you if you steal it...
"Blame it on the Rain"
"Blame it on the Band"
catchy phrase "Ashlee Simpson: Now there's a Ho Down!" ... if you don't get it, just buy it and you will figure it out by the time it gets to your house. K thx. Feel free to email me with more ideas or pictures because obviously these shirts are aimed towards the "I don't give a fuck about how shitty my shirt looks" and the "I spend all my money on high speed Internet to buy shirts but I can't afford a quality shirt" audiences, and I would like to expand this to larger markets.
BUY THE SHIRTS AT MY SHOP AND SUPPORT OUR CAUSE
Posted by Smit at 09:28 PM
Nicky Hilton Smokin HOTT!
Posted by Smit at 11:46 PM
JMU PARENTS WEEKEND
FIRST OFF: VOTE EVERYDAY FOR JMU'S MASCOT THE DUKE DOG AS THE TOP MASCOT IN THE NATION AT CAPITALONEBOWL.COM. THIS WEEK WE FAIR OFF AGAINST UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND'S TERRAPIN. THE DUKE DOG IS ONE OF THE TOP 12 MASCOTS CHOSEN FOR THIS CONTEST, AND THE ONLY ONE FROM A DIVISION 1-AA SCHOOL. THEREFORE, IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE READING THIS WEBSITE, YOU HAVE TO CLICK ON THIS LINK.
This weekend was Parent's Weekend here at James Madison University. Finally the majority of my friends no longer have to use their shoddy fake ID's or bribe corrupt police officers to obtain alcohol. (because we are all of legal drinking age and mothers finally can reveal that they were intoxicated during the conception, entire gestation, and birth of their wonderful legal scholarly children.) Tailgating, beer pong, flip cup, pin the tail on the donkey, three legged races, musical chairs, teeball, and spin the bottle will never be the same as all the awesome parents came down and showed us up.
This is just going to be a quick post with some photos that I have snapped.
First off I have to recognize Shaun's dad for his dedication to the life of Rodney Dangerfield. Giving out candles that dripped wax all over anybody holding one, and classic Dangerfield lines, he organized a "participational memorial" service in which everyone thoroughly appreciated. Not only did he construct a mini-van sized banner to place on the side of his mini-van (whodathunkit?), but he brought the banner inside the football stadium to place over the end zone rail. However, he was kicked out by the ROTC only to be never heard from again.
This summer during my trip up to Long Beach Island, New Jersey to hang out with the Keown crew, we put on Markeown's beloved tropical shirts to pose for a photograph. They sent me a copy of the picture in the mail weeks ago and I never put it up because my printer/copier/scanner has met its demise and I had no means of putting it up. UNTIL NOW. WHEN I DECIDED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THE PICTURE WITH MY DIGITAL CAMERA.
Now Markeown came down this weekend with his shirts to reenact that memory. He took Ed's place and B-rad took Mac and Steve's.
And finally I am going to post a picture for all the ladies and hermaphrodites out there. I present you the Irish lads Markeown and son, Michael Patrick complete in kilts.
Posted by Smit at 12:09 AM
EAST CAROLINA RAISE UP
Last weekend, I went down to East Carolina University to take part in Pi Kappa Phi's Reggae on the Lake, a ginormous festival of good music, cheap beer, and even cheaper whores. The fraternity rented out charter buses to pick up everyone all around town, which was pure P-I-M-P-L-E. Over 5,000 drunken college kids in one place without authority is my idea of heaven. There were no bike cops breathing down your neck and blowing snot in your beer like here at JMU. Which of course ended up in a huge fight in which I was stuck in the middle of until I got hauled off to jail. Just kidding, I wasn't in the middle, more like to the left middle. I got pushed all around and over coolers as I cried and prayed to St. Anthony to keep everyone safe.
I'm sorry to say but this party put the infamous JMU Block Party to shame. BLOW ME MY COLLEGE IS BETTER THAN YOURS. MY DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD.
Check out the gallery.
Now I have to take this time to dedicate the rest of this post to my mentor Alanis Morrissette and give thank you's to all that were in attendance.
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
Thank you Sam for turning 22 on October 2nd. Thank you for paying for everything. Thank you for forgetting your 10 dollar ticket at Cindy's so you had to buy another one at the gate. Thank you for forgetting to bring your cell phone to the party so that nobody could get in touch with you. Thank you for leaving your wallet and phone at the steakhouse that night. Thank you for forgetting your ID when we went to the bars. Thank you for leaving to go back home Sunday without taking your bag. Thank you for being you. Mindful, forgetful you.
Thank you Cindy for letting us stay at your place. Thank you for not having Pepto Bismol on hand when I needed it most. Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed with you and Annie for the most miserable sleeping experience to date. Thank you for being your saucy ass.
Thank you Ashley for driving us all the way and being a stupid slut.
Thank you Annie for driving up from Charleston and being my best friend.
Thank you Pete for betting me on the Virginia Tech - West Virginia game 5 minutes before we heard the final score and giving me 5 bucks.
Thank you Ali G for picking Claire Danes on the movie game and my guessing it correctly, never knowing my phone number as I have known yours for eight years, and for the bourbon and Coke at the bar.
Thank you for Mallory for having a sassy lighter which was a piece of shit and ridiculously difficult to use.
Thank you Stine for nodding off in the car on the way back and managing to stay asleep after your head continously wobbled to the side and you corrected it over and over, and for rocking my world.
Thank you Snee for resembling Courtney Cox.
Thank you everyone else who deserves thanks, you know who you are.
It's Parent's Weekend here at JMU which means I will hang out with Pete and Sam and remind all the other parents how much their child is inferior to me.
Posted by Smit at 03:58 PM