October 30, 2002
Hi JACKASS. Sorry for the lack of updates. This week is really hectic. Not very fun. It's cold and rainy and miserable. And things aren't going quite my way. So I will cry like the little bitch that I really am. HAHAHAHA. Hmmm... speaking of the cold and rain, I must state again that UMBRELLAS ARE FOR LOSERS! Seriously, guys. Check it.


1.) What's The Point?- What good is an umbrella? I'm SERIOUS. Okay, get mad and say well "DUH THEY KEEP ME DRY!" I don't give a shit about that. What's a little water? Aww, poor little baby can't get a little rain on their brand new sweater. WAAAAAH. Grow some balls. Ditch the umbrella and join the revolution. You'll be happy you did.
2.) No Respect For Fellow Human Beings- All you jackasses whip out your badass umbrella and walk around campus like your shit don't stink. And you don't give a fuck about people like me who don't have umbrellas? Hey, how about we cram 50 fuckers with umbrellas on one sidewalk walking in opposite directions. 50 fuckers who DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. Do you know how many times I've been jabbed in the eye and face by those convenient metal prongs of death? Too many times. And how many times I've been caught in the middle of a bunch of umbrella bumblefucks and get soaked because all the rain off their precious umbrella drenches me? Too many times. And how many times I've been late to class and I get caught behind the jackass with the huge ass umbrella that takes up the entire sidewalk and I have no way of getting around him? Twice. And how many times I've been soaked by fockers shaking their umbrellas off when they walk into every fricking building? Fifty-eight.
3.) Umbrellas Are For Losers- That's right. You suck and your umbrella sucks.

Yeah, my eye after I GOT JABBED. And Steve's eye after he got JABBED. True story- Steve was sick of being JABBED so when this chick jabbed him, he took the umbrella and SMASHED IT OVER HIS KNEE LIKE BO JACKSON.

Click pictures.
Okay, tomorrow is Halloween. That means you send me pictures. I already got some pictures from Brian from University of Florida. I will post them soon. EVERYONE SEND PICTURES NOW JACKASS.

Tonight we lost our second straight intramural soccer game. We are the Ladybugs. All guys. We do have the talent but our fearless captain has given up on us. He wants to quit. Piyum wants to quit. SUCKER. But it's all in good fun. I didn't stretch, since it was so fawkin cold out,everytime I walk, I feel like I am pulling both my hamstrings. And if you have never experienced that pain... well imagine you are getting shot point blank with a twelve guage shotgun in the back of your thigh. Ouch. I pulled mine twice in high school during track.

Me pulling my hammy. See the pain. Then a diagram of where the pain is. And how my leg looked soon afterwards with nasty bruising. AND NO THAT IS NOT REALLY MY LEG. PERVS.

Also, I'm limited in what I can do... My bandwidth is practically gone and I need to switch hosts. Is anybody willing to host me... or at least let me store my files on your host so I can save the little bandwidth I have left. HIT ME UP, DOG. I had to take down the Mating Calls page and two of my videos for the time being. Hope you can understand. Word.

Leave comments. Gotta run. I will update more this weekend. SEEYA BYE.

BEFORE YOU GO, CHECK OUT [ LAMEKING.NET ] Great site. Not lame. Booya.

October 27, 2002
Sup doc? This weekend was homecoming here at JMU. A weekend of craziness. Friday night, we went to a Halloween party. I was a Christmas present. Steve was Santa. Piyum was an elf. James was Rudolph. Booya. Note : Don't be a Christmas present for Halloween. Or anything having to do with wearing a box. I was the asshole of the party. I think people initially thought it was cute, but then they hated me shortly afterwards. I could not walk around without knocking people out of the way. I had to take the box off in order to urinate. Guys were talking shit to me because I was a present. Of course, they were not wearing a costume so I think you know what I said to them...."Hey asshole, where's your costume? HUH HUH?? Yeah, what what. SUCK IT." And then they got scared of me. I got pushed around. And dancing was impossible. And when we walked back to our apartment on the main road at 3 in the morning, everyone yelled and beeped at us. Because we rocked.

Speaking of Halloween, you have a whole week to send me pictures. You better fucking send me pictures of your costumes. I don't appreciate you NOT sending me pictures of your costumes.

Well, the snipers have finally gotten caught. The FBI informed me that I helped them catch them by stating earlier that they should forget about the white van. I mentioned that the snipers were driving around in their blue Chevette.... and they got caught in a blue Caprice. WHAT WHAT. If you would like your own psychic reading, send me five dollars. Chief Moose is my hero. You can check out the Official Chief Moose Fan Club by clicking on his picture below.

Moose for President.

Homecoming weekend at JMU consists of consuming alcoholic beverages for hours on end. That's why we are the TOP PARTY SCHOOL IN VIRGINIA. And the 25th Top Party School in THE NATION. According to PLAYBOY. Read it and weep, all you Cavs and Hokies and other nonpartiers. What WHAT. And don't give me some crappy comeback about JMU Football. Nobody comes to JMU for the football team. Face it, JMU owns you. Check out pictures of Sean, Mike, and Steve sleeping after consuming non-alcoholic beverages.

Oh, and Mike wrote something on Steve's leg and he didn't know about it until this morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Come on people. Go to the Forum and give me ideas about smithappens.com shirts. If you don't like my ideas, then frickin tell me. And if you want a shirt, frickin tell me. GEEZ.

I added a comments section. You can just make comments about the updates. Say anything you want. MMMMKAY. And I'm spent. BYEBYEBYEBYBEYEY.

October 23, 2002
Hullo. Lots of stuff to talk about. Let's get to it, shall we? JACKASS.

First off, Mr. Sniper has struck again in Maryland. What the fuck? Most of you peoples enjoyed and agreed with my points that I made in my last update. Everyone except Jose. And I quote:
While i agree with the first three of your points, the fourth sucks. Let them keep the us kids out of school. I am a senior and it has given us two extra days to get completely shit-faced instead of going to school. Please, consider all options before making this sort of statement.
P.S. Look what happened after you said that. Where are we? Back in school.

First of all, the fourth point is about the bulletproof space suits. I think you meant the third point. Kind of ironic how you are bitch about not wanting to go to school and you can't even disagree with the correct point. HAHAHA. Man. Maybe you SHOULD go back to school. JAJAJAJAJAJA. And maybe I'm just jealous of not getting out of school. But most likely, I'm not. It's sick to think you want the sniper to continue wreaking havoc all over the Maryland/Virginia area just so your pansyass can get "completely shit-faced". Well... maybe that doesn't sound so bad... BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. Also, you seem to imply that since I made the comment of how kids should be in school, that I jinxed your not-going-to-school-and-getting-completely-shit-faced-fun. Well, sorry. I'm glad you realize that I DO have that power.

Interrupting Katie Pic.(Since this is a long update)

ANYWAYS. I do realize that Mr. Sniper had hinted in his latest letter that he was going to shoot a kid at a school in Richmond. So I commend Richmond for closing these schools. But I still don't think we should live our lives according to how Mr. Sniper wants us to live. Sure, we can take precautions but don't keep everyone locked up in their homes glued to the television and rotting our brains only to become zombies of the evil media. We can beat Mr. Sniper if we just turn off the fucking TV and wear our bulletproof spacesuits.

Which reminds me, the Bulletproof Space Suits are coming along nicely. I remember telling Stiner that I had an idea to beat Mr. Sniper and she said she would definitely back my idea and then I mentioned the Bulletproof Space Suits and she said "definitely NOT." She said "everyone would look like complete idiots." However, she did say she would back the idea "if we could bounce around in them." This brings me to the following conclusions:

1.) Safety First - The whole idea behind the Bulletproof Space Suits is to keep people safe and be able to go about their normal lives, not to be fashionable. Sure, I can design a pink Bulletproof Space Suit but then that will just draw attention and then everyone will want to snipe you, or at least try to, and I think that has the potential to become somewhat annoying. Safety first, style second.

2.) Earth Has Gravity - Just because one has a Bulletproof Space Suit, it does not give one the ability to "bounce around." Earth has a force called "gravity" which does not let us bounce around. The moon does not have nearly as much gravity which allows the astronauts bounce around in their Regular Space Suits. But nope, the Bulletproof Space Suits will not give us the ability to bounce around. For this, I apologize.

I did an image search on Google.com for the word "funny." Here is what I came up with. Click the images for the full size. (Keep in mind: I do not know why the bunny is listed under "funny." I find that image quite disturbing. Somebody please help the bunny out of the bag. As for the little boy gymnasts, umm.. the only thing funny there is the new funny sensation in their pants. Oh, and that bitch drawing on her baby sister? HOLD ME BACK MAN HOLD ME BACK.)

Enough of Mr. Sniper. Hmmm... Monday night my co-ed intramural soccer team stomped our opponents 6-1. That calls for a WHAT WHAT. And one of my teammates got in a scuffle with one the little babies on the other team and he was bitching and moaning and they both got red carded. But what makes this situation funny is that the little baby's DAD was there. I believe he was the only parent spectator. EVER. AT ANY COLLEGE INTRAMURAL GAME. And when his son gets red carded, he yells at him. Hell yeah dad. So, words of advice: Do not get in a fight in your first college intramural soccer game. In front of your dad. Your dad who shouldn't have been there in the first place. Man, WHAT A LOSER!!!! BOOYA.

Halloween is coming up soon. I will be hosting a costume contest. Yes, you heard right. Send me all of your pictures and I will decide who will win the contest. The contest winner will get a FREE SMITHAPPENS.COM SHIRT! OHHHH YEAH. And you can design it. Or tell me what you want if you don't like my current ideas. ASS.

My Costume (Christmas Present)

Think you can beat this costume? Click the pictures for full size. [ SEND YOUR PICTURES HERE ]
Which brings me to the shirts. It appears that you don't like my ideas, and that they "blow." JERKS. Here are some more ideas. You can choose any OR all of these shirts. In any color. I am here to please you, the customer. HAHHAHAHA. Pick a shirt and fill out the order form. MMMMKAY.

Shirt #3

Shirt #4
(It says the opposite on the back, chapass.)


Okay, that was one whopping update. I am working on getting a server that will host me with unlimited bandwidth and 500 mb of space and Perl, PHP, CGI, and MySQL. My current server blows. I am limited in what I can do. Look soon for an amazing change. OHHHH YEAH, I almost forgot. I added a forum for all you peoples that wanted a forum. Talk about life. Make friends. Make fun of Andrew. I don't care. Check the link below. But for now, I am DONE.


October 21, 2002
Special Sniper Update: Okay, it appears that the notorious "Beltway Sniper" is eluding all the proper authorities. We just can't catch this cat. So this is why I am making this special update. Here is my list of what is wrong with the current way of dealing with this sniper.

1.) Stop the Media - Yes, you have probably had the same thoughts. The frickin media is all over this story. They lust for it. Reporters are only satisfied when a new shooting occurs just so they can meet quota. Frickin chapasses. They are practically praising the sniper. The sniper is easily getting away when the fricking news helicopters are providing aerial views of Interstate 95 being shutdown. He is not going to be traveling on I-95 right after the shooting. He shoots, runs, drives a very very short distance to some sort of house or hotel and lays back in a recliner and enjoys all the hysteria that he has created. So, my advice for the media: STOP. Stop ALL coverage. It's only instilling fear into everybody. I don't care about freedom of the press. More often it's doing more harm than good.

2.) Forget the White Van - If the sniper can escape thirteen crime scenes leaving authorities clueless, he's not that stupid to continue driving this famed white van. Once again, the media is showing Mr. Badass Policeman pulling over every single white van in the area with his badass AK-47 while letting Mr. Sniper drive right by him in his blue Chevette. Today, Richmond police attacked a white van at a gas station thinking it was the sniper. Um, no. Mr. Sniper would not be that foolish. But they did happen to be illegal immigrants. WHAT WHAT.

3.) Stop Closing Schools - Okay, okay I might get some heat for this one. But a shitload of schools in Richmond closed today and will be closed tomorrow due to "loud parents" who were concerned about their children's safety. Sure, I would love my kids too. But are we going to just close schools until Mr. Sniper strikes again in an area far enough way so that they will feel safe? If I were Mr. Sniper, I'd just sit back and not shoot for a couple of months just to keep schools closed. I mean, that's his whole goal... to interrupt our everyday living. And now that schools are closed, the kids just run to the malls and the gas stations and the steak houses. Now, does this not make sense? We need to go to school and just have tighter security around the schools, ya heard? Keep the kids inside.

4.) Bullet Proof Space Suits - Here is my resolution to beating Mr. Sniper. The government should just buy everybody a bulletproof space suit instead of shutting down the main interstate right after a shooting. Stiner mentioned that bulletproof vests don't even work against Mr. Sniper's gun. That's why I said "SPACE SUIT." This way, we can go on about our everyday lives and Mr. Sniper will be useless and then get frustrated and then just give up. See, we will be back to normal. If we continue with our current ways of conducting this investigation, we will get nowhere. Thank you.

No, not astronauts. Bulletproof Space Suits.

October 21, 2002
Quick note: I changed the layout just a tad to increase loading times... and save my bandwidth. I still have the old layouts, don't worry. I will work on this jank and make it oh so sweet for my new server... but until then, this plain ol layout will have to suffice. Ya heard. Byebye.

October 20, 2002
Sup doc. I just got back from my Fall Break. Which consists of one frickin day off. Give me a break. Pun intended. I went and saw Abandon with Smarah on Friday and it rocked my face off because Katie is a total babe. I recommend it if you like hot Katie or if you like crappy scripts and plots. Shawing. And I got to take pictures of my dog, Sam, because we are giving him away. Frown face. I've had him since I was in fourth grade and now he's old and stuff, so we are giving him to a friend who likes old dogs. The taste of old dogs. What are you laughing at, jerk.

Steve and Piyum stayed here in Harrisonburg while the rest of the city was not here. HAHHAA. There are pictures below.

I bought new CD's over break. Well, new to me. Plan 9 music stores rock. You can buy used CD's for very cheap. I got a rare Op Ivy bootleg from the 80's, two Ataris albums, Sunny Day Real Estate, and the new Boy Sets Fire EP. All for twenty-five dollars. BOOOOYA.

Site news: Hmmm... I need to do something with my site because at the rate I am at now, it will be shut down in about ten days. Sooo... I will most likely be changing the layout once again even though I lust it, my bandwidth usage is too high. (which means the new layout takes a lot of space and jank, and everytime one of you fockers come and visit, the amount of info that is sent to your computer adds up and I have a limit on how much I can send. Got it? Good.) So be patient, for this is a difficult time for all of us.

You have voted that Gwen is hotter than J.Lo. Thank you. I agree. J. Lo is fat and crappy while Gwen is hot and not crappy.

I have come up with ideas for my smithappens.com shirts. Check them out below. And if you want one in any color, size, yadda yadda, then frickin email me.

Okay one more thing before I forget, check out [The Human Cow] because it is badass. You will NOT be disappointed. Check out pictures. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

Bye Sam.

Piyum and Steve on the first night of Fall Break. By themselves.

Steve and Pi on the last night of Fall Break. By themselves.

Steve and Pi on the last night of Fall Break. By themselves.


Here is a picture of Piyum dancing in front of his mirror and Steve caught him.

Pi and Steve chilling on the couch with all our living room friends.

You are welcome, ladies.

You are welcome, gents. Then you are welcome, crappers.

Shirt #1.

Shirt #2.

October 17, 2002
Oh.. HEY LADIES! It's been five days since I updated. I did that on purpose to keep you guys on the edge of your toes awaiting the next update. It's like you don't release a sequel to a blockbuster film the next day. My updates are very very similar. Very. Hmmm... lots o' news. Last Saturday night may be just be the most random night I've ever experienced. First off, Steve and I were trying to cut through the woods to another apartment complex. Here is where we get lost. We have no fucking clue where we are and it's dark as hell. Then we started getting scared because we are really girls. Then all of a sudden, we hear this creaking noise. We stop dead in our tracks. We figure we are about to get eaten. But not even five yards away, a huge ass tree falls. YES. You heard right. We witnessed an actual tree fall. Nobody was around us. So I guess it goes to prove the question that if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around, does it make a sound? Well, yes. Because the tree did not plan on us being there. So we proved that it does in fact makes sounds. Creepy creaking sounds. Then we run back to our orignal starting place then take a cab to another apartment complex. Here we are conversing with some lady friends when a potato is thrown our way. YES. You heard right again. Steve picks the potato up and chucks it back to the apartment. Eight big black guys come out and chase us. We book it across the street to hide from them because once again, we are really girls. We go to a party. Some guy slaps my ass. And we book it out of there to the bus stop. Here we find a white boy rapping. Enough said. Then a cop car drives by the bus stop and flicks a cigarette out at the bus stop. Jerks. Then we get on the bus and I sit next to a rather large townie who breathes on me. Then we go to another party. Then we walk home and another eight guys come up to us and try to fight us because we are wearing our wrist bands. I remember quotes like "Hey FAGBOY. NICE WRISTBAND!" and "I SHOULD KICK YOUR ASS FOR YOUR PANSY WRIST BAND!" and "I LOVE YOUR WRIST BAND! NOT! PREPARE TO DIE!" and "HEY WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND HAS NO LEGS? YOU AFTER I GET DONE WITH YOU, WRIST BAND BOY!" So, Steve and I did not appreciate these comments and we just went apeshit. Steve busted three of the guys right in the nose and laughed at them while they attempted to smell. I gouged out one guy's eyes and then ate them while I poked at his brain. Then the other guys just ran because we already embarassed them and broke faces. What what. In other news, James was found NOT GUILTY.You damn right. You see, we had a noise violation in the beginning of the year. Apparently our music was sooo loud that it was detrimental to the health of our neighbors. So the cops came in the apartment and then James went and talked to them. James is Mr. Know-Everything-About-The-Law. He pleaded not guilty yesterday in court. He said that the cops came in the apartment without being let in. Which is ILLEGAL. Don't forget that. So the judge asked the cop what he had to say about that and he said that the neighbor let him in. Which is a LIE AND IT'S STILL ILLEGAL. So the case was dismissed. BOOYA. We are untouchable baby. James not guilty like whoa. Jigga jigga jigga. Hmm... I want you to check out these wonderful sites because they have been oh so kind in linking me. They all rock. Especially if you like hot chicks. [www.JIGLET.net] [www.ORSM.net] [www.FREESTYLIN.net] [www.BOREDATWORK.com] Tada. And it appears that you voted Britney Spears as being hotter than Katie Holmes. Well I don't care. It is MY poll and KATIE IS HOTTER. She is my baby fo life. You can check out all the past polls by voting then choosing archives. Hmmmm.... oh yeah, Jeremy has enlightened me with some new theories of his. First off, he is creating a new fad. We will say the opposites of words, but really mean the same thing. Understand? Like you say "cool" and I will say "warm". And you say "hey I'm just chillin" and we will say "hey I'm just roastin man, just roastin." And you say "cya bye" and I say "hello". Got it? I hope not. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And he brought to my attention that the movie E.T. is really about how aliens fucking hate us. You see, the letter after "E" plus the letter after "T" is "F.U." So, E.T. really isn't a movie about a cute little crappy alien but about a frickin alien with an attitude. Let's bomb the aliens. Also, umbrellas are for LOSERS. Who needs an umbrella? That's right, LOSERS! HAHAHAHA. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

Cute little crappy alien really means "FUCK YOU WORLD"


Not as yummy. HAHAHAHA.

Frickin LOSERS, man.

October 12, 2002
Hello everyone. lalala. I should be doing work... I still need to start reading a book for my book report which is due on Wednesday. HHAHAHAHAHA. And the teacher wrote it. HAHAHAHAH. Crap on my face. Never getting to it. But I did manage to download the new Juliana Theory CD. If you haven't heard of them, they rock. You, too, can download the CD BY CLICKING HERE. Steve cut his shoelaces this morning because he couldn't get his shoe off. Hell yeah Steve is hardcore. Shiiiit he doesn't even care. According to my poll, most of you do NOT like my site so you don't care about the layout. Thanks guys, really. JACKASS. SHIT I don't care. I didn't want you to come back anyway. Focker. Last night I went to a semi-formal with a certain stupid slut and I sweated my balls off. When I walked around, everyone was saying "What the hell happened to that guy?" Shit I don't care. MOOOHAHAHAHAHA. I was soaked but I liked it a lot and didn't even take it off when I went to bed and I am still wearing it now. As for my last update, James pointed out that the whole idea of hearing some guy yell a funny comment at a movie and then going to the same movie again later just to yell out the funny comment and not get any laughs, was on Seinfeld. I didn't know that. I SWEAR. Shiiiet, I don't care. My high school's homecoming football game was canceled last night due to the sniper. That shit is pretty scary. But I was watching the news today and they are covering the news about the sniper... and I have determined that I HATE THE MEDIA. What good are they? They already released that tarot card that specifically told the police not to release it to the public... so he strikes again. And they keep saying when is he gunna strike again, STAY TUNED!! Like it's a fuckin movie. Give me a break. All this coverage is only helping the sniper get away... Because all the jackass reporters are announcing all the police secret plans to catch the sniper. "We are here LIVE! at the police secret roadblock where we expect The Sniper to show!! Grab some popcorn and stay tuned!" I want to hit them all on the head with a sack of doorknobs. And as for the whole Iraq crisis... yeah let's go announce our fuckin WAR PLANS to the world. So... I have decided that we should no longer worry about bombing Iraq, let's just bomb the media. JACKASS. Funny how I am majoring in Media Arts and Design. Real fuckin funny. LALALALA. Okay, I'm done. Bye ladies. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

Bye bye media.

Oh yeah I forgot that we took my dog, Sam, to the vet... He's been getting mad infections in his eyes which are causing him to go blind... so the vet suggested we take out his eyes.

Here is what my dog would look like if he had no eyes and if he was a lab and if he was wearing a yellow cape.

Superheroes dancing. BOOOOYA.

October 10, 2002
Hello. I decided to give my site a facelift once again. I am never satisfied with this jank. You can still go to my old site by CLICKING HERE. But it won't be updated anymore, mooohahahaha. Hmmmm... our secret project is well on its way. It appears we are getting sponsored to get it off the ground. Sooo all of you JMU peoples better be ready. We will be giving more details soon. lalala.... last night we went and saw a movie. I will not disclose the actual movie because then you will yell at me and say I have no penis. Believe me, people have said it already. Well, to be honest, I didn't really like it. It was more of a chick flick, I'd say. I guess you could say it takes a lot for a movie to satisfy me. It has to have some kind of unique plot or have Katie Holmes in it. Anyways, speaking of movies... have you ever been to a crowded movie theater and then something happens in the movie like a chick gets naked and some guy in the audience yells "OHHHHH YEAH!!" and everyone laughs... so you fork out 8 bucks the next night to see the same movie again just so you can yell out the comment and and get a lot of laughs, but this time when you yell it, nobody laughs??? Anyone??? Yeah, me neither. It appears that everyone wants my hair to be long. So I guess I will grow it out... for a little while. You are welcome, peoples. Check out CANNEDJAM.COM for an online JMU RIDE BOARD.... Pure genius. Okay, time to run. LAAAAAAAAAAAATE. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

Lovely drawing by the one and only Eric frickin Ediss. Keep em coming.

October 6, 2002
Hello. Yesterday my computer crashed!! HAHAHAHA. But no worries people. All I did was reinstall Windows. HAHAHAA. I didn't lose anything! HAHAHA. And to think I was considering taking my computer to a shop and pay hundreds of dollars! HAHAHA. Well, good times were had by all over the weekend. Except the girl who had her wheels stolen. All four wheels. DON'T LAUGH. And we found a stickbug too. Of course we took pictures! Hmm.. it appears that we showed Andrew! No more hate entries! HAHAHA! Maybe he busted his face when he attempted a wheelie. LALALA. This update... is over. FINDING FORRRRRESTACHE. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

Crazy frickin stickbug.

Crazy Steve and crazy frickin stickbug.

Robot and stickbug.

I wonder if she gets to keep the cinder blocks.

Phew... the Pimpo still has wheels.

Vote below for how I should do my hair... Short, Long, or keep it in the awkward crappy in-between phase.

October 4, 2002
Sup ladies. This is the third update in four days. Craptacious. Today I haven't been doing a damn thing. Lalala. Be sure to check the guestbook again! Because it appears that our best friend Andrew has struck again. This time he graces us with 10 lovely entries. Yes, TEN. Wow. Anyways, we will not let this go unnoticed. Check below for our response. I ADDED MORE MATING CALLS! 5 MORE INCLUDING MY OWN! I will be adding some more shit later on, I don't feel like doing anything now. Byebye. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Peeeeeace.

October 2, 2002
Hello everyone. I am updating the site for the second day in a row! I just had to because it is Samuel Brian Benfer's twentieth birthday! WAHOO! Everyone wish him a happy birthday. NOW. Hmm... another interesting tidbit of information... it appears that Saddam Hussein has doubles, maybe even triples. Yes, he has people who look just like him to go do stuff because he's a little bitch and can't handle me. He also doesn't sleep in the same building two nights in a row. Sack of shit. I have pictures of his impersonators. If you see any of them, let me know. Oh and another note... I got my first "hate-mail" today! More like a "hate-guestbook-entry". It appears that Andrew has a problem with our beloved extreme sport Freestyle Walking. Check his entry below:
Name : Andrew
Email : kzoojaaam@hotmail.com
Comments : Freestyle walking??? You are full of shit... your portrayal of this lame excuse for an "X-treme" sport is ridiculous. I think you are a buch of losers. Oh, and from now on, I suggest you don't refer walking across a bike rack as a "50-50 Grind." you fucking posers. I hope your hardcore walking leads to may broken bones and much humiliation- But I'm sure your "hardcore integrity" towards pushing the "sport" (no, the non-sence) will over-exceed the pain and suffering. By the way, what college are you walking at? It looks like there are some nice rails I could "50-50 Grind" On my pegs. (which are located on my bike. Later Bro
Hmmm.. where to begin? Well first of all, Freestyle Walking (FSW) IS an extreme sport, not "X-treme". We don't believe in silly acronyms. FSW is much more hardcore than biking. You see, FSW is a lot like fighting. Real men don't need weapons to fight, they fight with their bare fists and bash heads in. Sure, you could use a knife but that's just the pansy way out. How does this relate to FSW? Well, real men don't need silly props like silly bicycles. We go out and bust moves whenever the hell we want. We don't need to worry about flat tires and ugly bike helmets and we never have to worry about where to park our bike when we go into an ice cream shop. Shit, we can even bust moves IN the ice cream shop. Try bringing your crappy bike into an ice cream shop without getting KICKED THE HELL OUT!! HAHAHAHAHAA. And what's with all-the-hyphenating-dawg? You-should-get-that-checked-out. And we are freestyle walking at James Madison University. I challenge you to bust a 50-50 grind as sweet as Steve did. Yeah, what's up now. But I'm glad you still consider us Bro's.
That is all. Make sure you check out the mating calls. Stay tuned for more news. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Okay time to run, bye everyone.

Say NO to biking.

Happy Birthday SAM. I LIKE YOUR CROWN.

If you see any of these Saddam impersonators, let me know... or beat them and throw them in a burlap sack.

October 1, 2002
Happy October everyone! HAHAHA. Sorry I don't update every single day. I try my best. Lately I've been feeling crappy. I went to the doctor at home last weekend and he said I have bronchitis and sinusitis. He gave me four medications but I still manage to have my kick ass cough. Not cool. So I haven't been my real self lately... maybe I'll go to the health center and they will give me sudafed. HAHAHA. (because that is what they give everyone for whatever illness). I've been watching the show "Friend or Foe" lately. It's when you are paired up with a partner to win money. Then if your team beats the other team, then you and your partner have to face each other. You can pick the button "Friend" or "Foe. If you both pick "Friend", then you split the money. If one picks "Foe" and one picks "Friend" then the foe wins all of the money because he's an asshole. And if you are both greedy and both pick "Foe", then all the money is lost. Well I got to thinking... and why would you EVER pick Friend? You just met this person. And the only time that "Friend" wins is when your partner picks "Friend". And if you are planning on your partner picking "Friend", then frickin pick "Foe" and you win it all. See what I'm getting at? "Foe" wins two times out of the three options. You either win all the money or none of the money... but either way, YOUR PARTNER GETS NO MONEY. ZERO. ZILCH. Okay, anyway. Yes, that is what I have been thinking about. Well, ladies I need to create my smithappens shirt. It is obvious that the world is need of a smithappens.com shirt. Sheesh. Don't worry, we will make them sooooooooon. I also need to hop on my secret project. It will rock. HARD. But I did make a new page! I made it today. It involves animals and mating calls. CLICK HERE NOW FOR MY MATING CALLS PAGE!!!!! . Tada. Okay time to run, bye everyone.

Here is a picture of lungs with bronchitis.

Here is a picture of a dog with bronchitis.

Here is a picture of a badass monster truck named Bronchitis. Notice the phlegm dripping off BRONCHITIS.

Here is a diagram of sinusitis.

Here is an X-RAY of sinusitis.

Here is a picture of flesh-eating bacteria... what I think I REALLY have.