Marc got four baskets
May 28, 2002
Yesterday was Memorial Day. You know what that means... TV MARATHONS. Of course, I tuned into the hit game show "Moolah Beach" on ABC Family. Most of you probably have never seen it or even heard of it. But you know what, it's the hottest thing since sliced bread. I will explain the details. Moolah Beach is set on a island that has a beach. On this beach is where it all takes place. There are six teams of two players, a girl and a boy on each team. The ages of the contestants range from 12 - 16, but it appears that at least one of them is about eight years old. Or maybe he is half midget. I think his name was Jacob. On the first mission, Jacob picked his partner (which is a girl) to compete in it. Of course, Jacob was the only guy NOT competing and they lose big time. Dead last. Jacob is not too happy about this, so he conveniently splurged suntan lotion in his eyes. At least that's his excuse for bawling like the cockass he is. He wouldn't talk to anybody because he is afraid to admit that he's a baby. A half midget baby. And when he said that he had suntan lotion in his eyes, somebody who works behind the scenes was screaming "MEDIC!! MEDIC!!" Idiot. Anyways, the object of the game is to win the missions and win the "Idols". The more Idols you win, the greater chance you have of staying on the island. At the end of the day, all the teams gather all their Idols and make an offering to The Great Kahuna. The Great Kahuna is a magical piece of styrofoam shaped like a Tiki God. When you pour the Idols into his head, his eyes turn all red and shit. Then he vomits out the color of the teams that stay on the island. You would think that the teams with the least Idols automatically get booted. That's the way it should be. But nope, The Great Kahuna picks teams at random. Total horseshit. So you could be kicking Jacob's ass in the frickin Shark Bait competition and yet you get booted. Stupid half midget. Anyways, I'll just rush to the conclusion of the competition. There are two teams left. The Purple team and the Green team. The Purple team has a hot chick named Summer. She looks just like Britney Spears. I will have her picture below. Her partner is gay Clark. He wants her bad. She is 15 years old. The Green team consists of Kyle and an asian chick. Kyle kicks ass. Of course he kicks ass because he is the strongest and most mature out of all the contestants. Nobody else has hit puberty. He wins every frickin competition. Making Jacob his bitch. A half midget baby bitch. The last competition consisted of piecing together a map. You get one piece of map, and that piece directs you to the other piece until it's completed to find the treasure. Both teams' pieces of maps are located right next to each other... and they are competing against each other at the same exact time. All you gotta do is follow where the other team is running off to. Stupid jackasses. So the Purple team won that competition, giving them a total of 7 Idols. The Green team had six idols. One of the 13 Idols had 25,000 dollars in it. Of course, the jackass host... you may know him, J.D. Roth.. yeah that guy... makes an offer to the teams so they will give their Idols to the other team. He offers the Green team a snowboard, tv, go-karts, and a jet ski. But the best is yet to come. He hands them each a frickin badass Nascar jacket that has Kellog's scrawled across the entire front. They were going to go to the Daytona 500 and meet Terry Labonte!!!! Holy crap! They take the offer, and the Purple team wins the 25,000 bucks. It's all good though because Kyle got with Summer. Oh HELL YEAH!!! And after the marathon, they had a special reunion edition. They announced each team and the entire audience was screaming and shit. Gimme a break. This is the best show ever. Wow, that was a lot of typing. About the site... I am currently in the process of making a Moolah Beach Fan Site, and a Vlade Divac fan site. I took down the pop-up banners simply because they SUCK ASS. ENJOY THE PICTURES BELOW.

Group shot at the Reunion. Guess which one is jackass Jacob.

A shot of the guys at the Reunion. Guess which one is jackass Jacob.

My boy Kyle and my girl Summer.

The crew just chillin on the Beeeeaaaatch.



Hi Yummy, I mean Summer.


May 18, 2002
Greetings. I apologize for the lack of updates and the lack of attention that I have been giving to my site. I was only thinking of myself and how I did not want to bother with it. I was being selfish. I was not thinking of the thousands of daily smithappensdotcom followers out there that only wake with hopes of seeing an update. For that I am sorry. I will be putting up pictures once I buy a digital camera because Phil stole mine. No wait a minute, I never had one... Phil had his stolen. My bust. Here is a true story that happened to Piyum bin Laden yesterday... as told by one of his friends.

"first we dropped tom off, on the way back we saw these little child figures with flags that said slow down. so me and piyum decided to steal them, so we back tracked and drove slowly up to them, of course their whole family is out watching us while we do this, and i grabbed both flags and we ran off, and the family like started chasin us and we were cracking up and all, then like 5 mins later, piyum was dropping me off when we hit a red light, and this POLICE OFFICER yelled pull the fuck over!! and he cuts us off, gets out of his car like smacks piyum and hes like what the fuck, why are you taking our fucking flags what the fuck is wrong with you, and he takes piyums license and drives home, me and piyum are like what the fuck do we do, soo we drove back to his house and knocked on his door, with his whole family watching us, and we apologize and all but the guy is still like you fuckers, but he gave piyum his license back."

YEAH PIYUM YEAH!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Piyum is truly a badass. Hi Badass. I hope you enjoyed the story. Below is a picture that I just could not resist sharing. The one and only Craig Edward Marshall III and his kick ass shave job.

Craig Dirt

May 11, 2002
OH HEY LADIES!! Sorry Phil. It's been awhile since I've updated this shizzle. Hope everyone is having a rockin summer. I need a job. I thought I had a job working down on the Outer Banks as an ocean lifeguard, but the budget just happened to be cut and I was one of the seven positions eliminated. I decided to go try out anyways just to show my interest and just show them that I am so much better than all of the other potential lifeguards. Everyone was expected to swim 21 laps in the pool under 10 minutes. Of course, I was the slowest one there. Boooo. I kept trying to stop and walk part of the way but NOOOOOO everyone had to keep cheering me on and yelling at me. Then the irony of the situation hit me. Here I was trying out for a lifeguard position and I was literally inhaling more and more water with every stroke. Yeah, you try to swim 500 meters without any prior swimming training. EAT IT. NOW. So right now, I am looking at either construction or fumigating tobacco warehouses. Both pay about 9 bucks an hour... but fumigating is guaranteed hours... about 60 a week... and construction is not quite as much. My mom also doesn't want me fumigating because I will inhale the toxic fumes and die. Too bad robots don't die. And she doesn't want me to paint houses because she doesn't want me to get on a ladder. Too bad robots don't need ladders. I have put a lot of the older updates onto another page, simply to increase loading speed. I have added some pics of us Line Walking . Finally. I do not really have any current pictures because I do not have a digital camera and/or scanner. But I did collect a bunch of pictures from an internet image search of people and animals named Smitty. Here they are. CYA. BYE.

Cool Smitty.

Cooler Smitty.

Strong Smitty.

Smit Dogg.

Unisex Smitty.

Black Smitty.

Smitty Kitty.

May 1, 2002
Hi. I believe this is the last time I will be updating this site while I am at school. I go home in two days. Woohoo. Yes, you may keep the surge protector. I don't know how much I will update this over the summer... but be sure to come back everyday. And tell your friends. And then when we move back to school on August 18th, the site will be rockin. Oh yes. Darryl Strawberry has been sentenced to 18 months in jail. He was my hero as a child, and still is. I, too, am a wife beating, tax evading, crackhead. I leave you with a picture of me in 4th grade with Darryl, and a poem that Samuel Benfer has composed. Farewell. HAGS.

My friend, the "robot".

I have a friend who seems to think
that what he sees, he eats, and drinks,
are merely perceptions processed by chips.
His entire world in bytes and bits.

And although he speaks in monotone,
And takes a liking to shiny chrome,
I still find it hard to presume,
That this man could be a CPU.

He eats D-Hall food, that makes me sick.
And for this I must admit,
I do question his sense of taste.
But that doesn't mean he came in a crate.

In all honesty, he runs like a steed,
Faster than any man i know.
I've never witnessed Smitty bleed.
But what does that go to show?

I suppose that it could be true,
In fact i think about it alot.
In all my research, I must conclude...
(That Smitty IS a robot!)

My Hero.