|May 28, 2002
Yesterday was Memorial Day. You know what that means... TV MARATHONS. Of course, I tuned into the hit game show "Moolah Beach" on ABC Family. Most of you probably have never seen it or even heard of it. But you know what, it's the hottest thing since sliced bread. I will explain the details. Moolah Beach is set on a island that has a beach. On this beach is where it all takes place. There are six teams of two players, a girl and a boy on each team. The ages of the contestants range from 12 - 16, but it appears that at least one of them is about eight years old. Or maybe he is half midget. I think his name was Jacob. On the first mission, Jacob picked his partner (which is a girl) to compete in it. Of course, Jacob was the only guy NOT competing and they lose big time. Dead last. Jacob is not too happy about this, so he conveniently splurged suntan lotion in his eyes. At least that's his excuse for bawling like the cockass he is. He wouldn't talk to anybody because he is afraid to admit that he's a baby. A half midget baby. And when he said that he had suntan lotion in his eyes, somebody who works behind the scenes was screaming "MEDIC!! MEDIC!!" Idiot. Anyways, the object of the game is to win the missions and win the "Idols". The more Idols you win, the greater chance you have of staying on the island. At the end of the day, all the teams gather all their Idols and make an offering to The Great Kahuna. The Great Kahuna is a magical piece of styrofoam shaped like a Tiki God. When you pour the Idols into his head, his eyes turn all red and shit. Then he vomits out the color of the teams that stay on the island. You would think that the teams with the least Idols automatically get booted. That's the way it should be. But nope, The Great Kahuna picks teams at random. Total horseshit. So you could be kicking Jacob's ass in the frickin Shark Bait competition and yet you get booted. Stupid half midget. Anyways, I'll just rush to the conclusion of the competition. There are two teams left. The Purple team and the Green team. The Purple team has a hot chick named Summer. She looks just like Britney Spears. I will have her picture below. Her partner is gay Clark. He wants her bad. She is 15 years old. The Green team consists of Kyle and an asian chick. Kyle kicks ass. Of course he kicks ass because he is the strongest and most mature out of all the contestants. Nobody else has hit puberty. He wins every frickin competition. Making Jacob his bitch. A half midget baby bitch. The last competition consisted of piecing together a map. You get one piece of map, and that piece directs you to the other piece until it's completed to find the treasure. Both teams' pieces of maps are located right next to each other... and they are competing against each other at the same exact time. All you gotta do is follow where the other team is running off to. Stupid jackasses. So the Purple team won that competition, giving them a total of 7 Idols. The Green team had six idols. One of the 13 Idols had 25,000 dollars in it. Of course, the jackass host... you may know him, J.D. Roth.. yeah that guy... makes an offer to the teams so they will give their Idols to the other team. He offers the Green team a snowboard, tv, go-karts, and a jet ski. But the best is yet to come. He hands them each a frickin badass Nascar jacket that has Kellog's scrawled across the entire front. They were going to go to the Daytona 500 and meet Terry Labonte!!!! Holy crap! They take the offer, and the Purple team wins the 25,000 bucks. It's all good though because Kyle got with Summer. Oh HELL YEAH!!! And after the marathon, they had a special reunion edition. They announced each team and the entire audience was screaming and shit. Gimme a break. This is the best show ever. Wow, that was a lot of typing. About the site... I am currently in the process of making a Moolah Beach Fan Site, and a Vlade Divac fan site. I took down the pop-up banners simply because they SUCK ASS. ENJOY THE PICTURES BELOW.
Group shot at the Reunion. Guess which one is jackass Jacob.
A shot of the guys at the Reunion. Guess which one is jackass Jacob.
My boy Kyle and my girl Summer.
The crew just chillin on the Beeeeaaaatch.
Hi Yummy, I mean Summer.