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June 2004 archive
: June 2004 Archives

Scarier: Ewok vs. Michael Moore

I just finished watching the blockbuster "documentary" Fahrenheit 911 by the controversial producer Michael Moore. Fortunately I am stranded in hicktown where the limited release of the film did not include our local theater. Fortunately saving me money and precious staring-at-the-computer time by not actually having to leave my chair and venture into the "real world." Ooooh...Shudder.

I downloaded the movie from this link, which will most likely be dead by the time you come across it. The file is over a gigabyte big, and you need to decompress the file with winRAR and ISObuster. The quality is actually not piss poor, simply a camcorder snuck into a theater to tape it. I do NOT condone such illegal activities. DO NOT DOWNLOAD THAT MOVIE. I DELETED IT AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT WHAT IT WAS.

Anyways, there's 3 types of people in the world: The Michael Moore leftist sackgobblers who take his words and work to heart to shove in Republicans' faces, the far right Conservatives who discredit any of his claims and can't believe such garbage is produced, and everyone in between who conforms to noncomformity and merely take his films with a grain of salt. I am none of the above since I have no stream of conciousness.

Bowling for Columbine put Moore on the map, well at least on my map, as a powerful and persuasive filmmaker. I recommend anyone who hasn't seen it to go check it out. And then go to the Bowling for Truth website to explain how you just got manipulated into thinking with a onetrack mind. Take both sides of the issue and come to an opinion of your own. Mindless sheep.

I watched Fahrenheit with much skepticism as I did not want to fall into his web of deception, complete with strategic edits and cut interviews. Moore really does a fantastic job of portraying the Bush administration as warmongers and oil hungry fiends, but remember that's his whole purpose. To convince you that the government is corrupt and has financial ties with the Saudi oil tycoons, where money is more important than the welfare of our nation in their eyes. While this seems a tad extreme, it definitely opens eyes and makes you think. Plenty of hard evidence is presented in the 90 minute film to hammer his points across, and I'll be damned if it doesn't influence a great deal of moive goers. 20 bucks says this film will have a significant play in the upcoming election, specifically towards younger and uninformed voters.

So the question that remains on everyone's mind is... who is scarier? Ewok from Star Wars or Michael Moore?

Well considering I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, I only have Ewok's appearance to judge against Michael Moore's looks and his work and reputation. Let's break it down.

Scarier Looking- Freakish unearthly creature with a shoddy poncho and a magic yielding piece of wood OR freakish unearthly creature with a 30 pound video camera and 12 guage shotgun. EDGE - EWOK.

Scarier in Every Other Category - Neandathral monster stuck in the stone age with no means of communication and skills OR extremely controversial no-holds-bar-in-your-face documentarian with a legion of extremist loyal wackjob supporters who will do anything to try to prove a point. EDGE - TIE

WINNER- EWOK IS SCARIER BY 1 POINT. Simply because I do not know anything about Ewok, and I'm afraid of the unknown. If it turns out that Ewok is actually a harmless being, then maybe I was trying to prove the point that Michael Moore is MORE harmless. See, I am persuading you already.

In keeping up with the recent genital rash of Britney sightings on this site, here's more headlines! Britney Spears is PREGNANT!
Britney Spears' mom hits a pedestrian!!!
South Korean Karaoke chicks, worth the laughs.
Mucho Sucko!!
Amazing damage that a drunk driver does to parked cars and property.

Posted by Smit at 10:32 PM | Comments (3)

Smit in the AM

I have no idea what it is about me or if the Chinese food I had for dinner was dipped in Jolt cola, but I've been up all night staring at the ceiling and turning on the television right when my eyes got adjusted to the dark. I'm not in the least bit tired, but I know for sure I'll be suffering for days. Two big news events have occurred while you sappy asses have been sleeping the night away.

First off, the U.S.ofA. handed over complete and total power two days before the deadline to the Iraqi government, marking a huge milestone in the step towards sovereignty. Saddam Hussein is supposed to be indicted within the next week for a trial held by the Iraqi people. Sure, this all sounds great and the gallup polls for Bush will rebound a bit, taking the limelight off Michael Moore's blockbuster mockumentary, but I don't see this as significant progress. Our boys and the new government will be ducking bullets for years to come. I don't have any other suggestions for how to get America out of our modern Vietnam, but neither does John Kerry and he's got a decent following.

Second, the Al Qaeda ally Abu Musab al-Zarqawi responsible for numerous bombings and beheadings is allegedly caught in Iraq. I haven't seen this on the news yet, but you can count on SMITHAPPENS.COM FOR ALL YOUR LATE BREAKING NEWS!!!!

And third, Britney Spears is a fat cow.

Posted by Smit at 05:52 AM | Comments (2)

Britney does it again & again & again & again

Britney Spears is engaged to Justin Timberlake's backup dancer, a father of living and unborn children with another woman. Here's some snapshots of the lovely couple and a sexy broken leg. Guess it's safe to say who gets the top. (Britney, duh)

Posted by Smit at 09:49 PM | Comments (4)


So while Mary-Kate Olsen is in rehab for being disgustingly skinny and undeniably scrumptious, I have been eating everything in my path and hitting the gym daily. Since I started pumping iron and snorting roids, I have had some noticible changes in my body. Mainly the tumors with the appearance of muscles and the testicular disintegration. But at least I'm not this guy. TATA.

Posted by Smit at 12:30 AM | Comments (0)

Sigh, still no referrers.

What do you call an Olsen twin with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese. Zing baddafuckin bing! While this is relatively old news, Mary-Kate checked into rehab for an eating disorder I guess it's hard waking up and looking at the immaculate being that is Ashley and knowing that such perfection will never be duplicated. Thus, anorexia is the solution.

Here's a picture of the twins, one looking like a jackass and the other a chipmunk. I attached another photo of a real jackass and a real chipmunk for reference.

Here's some groovy music flash files: Nickelback frauds & Elektronik Supersonik

Brand new site coming soon! You will probably NOT be disappointed.

Posted by Smit at 11:22 PM | Comments (1)

Young, Dumb, and full of CRAP

I finished my online class about a week ago, paying 10 cents a minute for the AOL 1-800 number due to being stranded in such an exotic location that local access numbers were nonexistent. After racking up a charge of 1,200 dollars, I finally got my 3 credit A. Who says money can't buy happiness? I do.

Now I'm back at my college town, where a handful of twelve students of the 14,000+ enrolled remain while the rest have deserted this shittown for bigger and better things for the summer. I'm staying here for the rest of the summer, working on various websites for various JMU departments. Not a bad gig at all, but sheer boredom has already set in.

I schedule my days around my trip to the gym. Perhaps one of the most discouraging things to happen during a man's workout is when a chick works out right next to you, doing the same exact exercise, but with more weight and more reps than you are. Talk about total humiliation. Personally, I wouldn't know because it's never happened to me since I am stronger than any girl on this planet.



An article about African migrants landing on a Spanish nude beach: "...The migrants included four babies, including one just 11 days old. A group of bathers was shown gathered around one of the infants, gently counting the fingers on one of its hands and coming up with six..." Holy what the fuck? Now THIS is newsworthy. Hey! Here's an African joke- "THAT'S NOT A FINGER!" Touche.

An extremely rare dinosaur-like species is discovered on a volcano webcam. The end is upon us!

Ahem, the reason why I am flunking out of school.

David Bowie ATTACKED!

If you haven't heard the story of the guy who knocked over a little kid to grab a foul ball at a Rangers' game, here's the link. He's getting torn up by the media for being a jerk, but I got his back. A foul ball is fair game for any fan, no matter the circumstances, whether it be tripping up Nanci Reagan or bumping into a fucking bicurious little boy as in this case. Get outta my face.

And finally, HOT GIRLS at Babelog

Big things coming soon.

Posted by Smit at 07:33 PM | Comments (11)

Things done changed

Finally, a new layout that I have been meaning to put up is finally published. Finally you can SHUT UP. Finally sminally.

I am delirious and hungry.

More big changes tomorrow including my first update in months.


P.S. Here's a picture of my dog to tide you over.

Posted by Smit at 12:13 AM | Comments (0)

Pistons are my favorite team ever

I was just kidding about that last post, the Detroit Pistons are my favorite basketball team of all time.


Posted by Smit at 12:15 AM | Comments (1)

Lakers Pist-On Detroit

L.A. Lakers will win tonight in Detroit, dashing all hopes of winning the series at home and actually winning at all. Their season is over because Kobe Bryant, the best player in the history of the NBA, is taking charge as he guarantees victory.

Bottom Line: Los Angeles prevails in Motown, bringing the series back to the Staples Center where the Fab 4 (Derek Fisher, Stanislav Medvedenko, Luke Walton, Horace Grant) completely dominate. Don't worry, Detroit will set itself on fire regardless of how poor they perform.

Thank you, that is all.

Posted by Smit at 07:47 PM | Comments (1)

Son of a beach

I am going to the beach (Outer Banks, NC to be specific) tomorrow for the final week of my May session course. And since it's an online class, I can sit on the beach and connect via my direct satellite connection to do my work and get sand and salt and beer in my keyboard and ruin my Powerbook. That's probably the greatest thing about an online class: you don't have to be in a sober state of mind. So I guess it goes without saying that I have experimented with more new drugs in the last three months than I have in the last six.

Enough about me, let's go to other sites!

A study finds that full moons are not responsible for epileptic seizures. Sorry "seizurers", but your cover has been blown. No more pity for your fake convulsions. Link to article.

Are you a "Simpsons" fan? Check out this website to watch streaming episodes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 43 days a year.

I wouldn't say that Britney Spears is necessarily a whore, but that Jamie Lynn Spears gets around.

An interesting site comparing Bush Sr., Clinton, and Bush Jr. Take it as you will.

Man sues wife over ugly past.

After I get back from the beach, I will have hours and hours to waste since 98% of the population in town packs up and leaves after May session. Translating I'll be toiling at my keyboard and pumping out new material and additions to the site. Or napping a lot more.

Posted by Smit at 07:26 PM | Comments (0)
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