Helllloooo, if you are keeping up with the Anti Haley Joel Osment situation,I've got some more news for you. Apparently somebody from the messageboard is threatening to "hack" my site and turning it into a tribute to HJO. These people are freaks! Anyways, I was visiting this Haley Joel Osment Fan Club message board to see what more they had to say, but apparently I have gotten banned from Haley-Joel-Osment.com. This definitely could be the saddest day of my life. Thanks to everyone who left commments on the board in favor of my site. MOOOHAHAHA. And keep giving them hell. Also, our amigo Arguez has spent another hour of his day philosophizing to me in Spanish. I went ahead and translated it for you on AltaVista, and you can find that here. I love how all these fools are telling me how I am such a loser and how they can't believe I made that site and I should be doing something else with my life. Yeah, maybe I should take their word and visit websites and write incredibly lame and lengthy insults which, in turn, entertain the webmaster at my expense. Then I will feel as I have accomplished something. Tacos!
January 30, 2003
Hey, I'm in my Stats lab right now and I had to post this. My Anti Haley Joel Osment page was linked on this Haley Joel Osment Fan Club message board. They are mad at me. MOOOOOHAHAHAHAHA. And they are all leaving me mean comments. Check those out too. Including our Spanish friend Arguez and his amigo Delfi, who left comments in Spanish. Arguez wrote more than I did for my entire site. I went ahead and translated it for you on AltaVista, and you can find that here. I'll leave you with a question to ponder: If Arguez and Delfi are soo smart, then why can't they speak English?? Hahahahaha.
January 28, 2003
Wzup. The Pimpo is still dead. It's been over a week since I broke down at Walmart. And it still hasn't even been looked at, so I have no idea how much the estimate will be. My mom said that if it is too expensive to repair, then we aren't going to get it fixed! lol!!!!1 And I might buy my grandma's 1981 Chevy Caprice Classic for 500 bucks. Only 60 thousand miles. Beat that, buddy. Anyways, since I have been without a fricking flippin car, I have been borrowing Janet the Jackass' truck and driving it all around town, bumming rides from James, and making the best of the Harrisonburg Public Transit System. (A bus for all you tards.) Anyways, I have a few things to say about the bus.
First off, do NOT pull the cord for the next stop when the bus is crowded as fock and almost everyone gets off at this stop regardless of you pulling the fucking cord. The cord gives off an annoying ass chime to notify the bus driver that somebody wants to get off at this stop. When I get on the bus, I usually have to stay on the bus for one of the last stops and I don't need to hear the ding ding ding ding ding ding ding every fricking stop. The bus will stop if you don't pull the gd cord! However, I realize that the driver may not stop at every stop if you are the only person on the bus. Maybe you can actually tell the bus driver that you want to give off at the next stop instead of pulling the cord causing the driver to hate you more than I do.
Secondly, when you are in your car and I am on the bus, let the fricking bus pull out. There are a hundred people on the bus late for class, and you are in your cute little Civic hunched over to the side and straight pimpin and being a jackass for not letting the bus out. However, if I am in my car, I have permanent right of way over the bus.
Finally, this is just an observation I made on Saturday night. I was on the bus with a couple of friends trying to get back to my apartment complex when the bus had to stop on campus. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Right! Sike. The bus driver stops the bus and walks over to a parked car which so happened to be occupied by a woman. I thought to myself, "Aww, the poor bus driver is working on a Saturday night and his wife just wanted to say hello." Aww, how cute. He opens the door and kisses the lovely lady. Aww, precious! Then he rips out his wallet and hands her some cash and she hands him a bag of cocaine. He hops back on the bus and continues his route. Playa.
Doop sent me a tight banner. As you can see above. C'mon, fans! Show your love by sending me pictures that say something like "I heart Smitty" or "Smithappens.com rocks my world!" Or girls making out. If you liked my fans from my earlier post, heres one more for you... No wait, here's another! Now, everyone... follow in their footsteps and send me pictures. JEEEEEEEEERRRK.
On Saturday, I went to Reddish Knob with Tom, his fiance Allison, and Ashley. In case you don't know, Reddish Knob is the highest point between Virginia and West Virginia. At least that's the word on the street. It's fricking awesome. Check out some pictures.
No, I am not gay. That little bench is a perfect spot for Senior pictures. I know you love it.
Hmmm... I need money. I need a job. A job that I like. Okay, okay, I know you are wondering what jobs I have held, so here's a chronological rundown.
Soccer Referee- I was a ref for little kids when I was in middle school. I was in charge of the little bastards and the jackass coaches. I gave out yellow cards and red cards left and right to the six-year-old-demons. I don't think the parents and coaches appreciated it, so my phone calls gradually started tapering off. I don't think I quit or even got fired. I'm still waiting for some reffing positions.
Snack Bar Employee- This was my first real job on a payroll, etc. I was in eighth grade and I worked at the snack bar at the neighborhood pool for $4.80/hour. I made decent money for selling three-day-old pizza and nachos soaked in saliva.
Lifeguard- The following year, I was upgraded to Lifeguard at the neighborhood pool. Quite possibly the slackest job ever and the biggest waste of time. I made shit pay as well and I hated the bosses. In my three years of lifeguarding, I jumped into the water zero times to save somebody. My third year working there, I made $5.35 an hour to sit on my ass and look away whenever I thought a possible situation was about to happen.
Chuck E. Cheese Employee- Yes, that's right. I went jobhunting with Craig in my junior year of high school. We applied to C.E.C. and we were hired on the spot, and had to work the next day. I worked Friday night, Saturday night, and I was scheduled to work on Sunday, but I called in and quit. Why? Because C.E.C. is the worst, most corrupt job ever. My job primarily was to make pizza but I did deliver some pizzas to the tables. There's nothing better than a huge ass black guy yelling at me because my thumb touched the edge of the crust. And YES, I did get to be the mouse. Twice. ON MY BREAK. I worked for four nonstop hours and I had finally gotten a break. Then the boss tells me to suit up as the mouse and I didn't even know the fricking Chuck. E. Dance. I had to wear a plastic bag on my head just so I wouldn't get lice. Nasty ass mouse. The head was gigantic and I couldn't see jack shit. I walk out to the front of the main room and do the stupid Chuck. E. Dance. Luckily, almost all the kids were up there dancing next to me so I would watch them and try and follow their lead. At the end of the dance, all the kids would come and give me hugs, while they were pulling at my exposed fingers poking through the raggedy ass suit. Oh, did I mention that the boss and his wife have sex in the ball pit?
Supermarket Bagboy and Cashier- Now this wasn't a bad job... I worked there my Junior year right after I quit C.E.C. and worked up until the fall of my Freshman year of college. I would never work but maybe once a month. And it turns out, if you are on the payroll, you get a raise every three months or so. So everytime I would come in and work, I would have a higher pay rate. I've just been notified that I was finally taken off the payroll for fear of bankrupting the store.
Tobacco Fumigator- This is what I did last summer. I worked about 60 hours a week, seven days a week. What a way to spend the summer. I would seal up the huge ass Philip Morris tobacco warehouses, fumigate them without gasmasks, and then take down all the sealing. Not a bad job... the pay was great and everyone was cool to work with. BOOYA.
I came across this great site. Check it out if you dislike Eminem and/or Fred Durst. It's genius.
In site news, I haven't been updating cuz I have been busy with my studies and since I don't have a fricking car, I have to rely on other people and the bus, and that's something I hate. And I seriously have been trying to change hosts, so I can change my site into PHP and not have to worry about bandwidth but my host now blows ass and the customer service is nonexistent. They won't reply to my inquiries about changing host so there's little I can do. WAAAAAAH. Somebody call the waaaaahbulance. Oh, and the links are colored grey, now. Yip.
Check out The Maelstrom. Good shit. Also, check out this wackass Forum that linked my Haley Joel site. Bunch of tightasses can't appreciate a little humor? I especially love the insults about how I am so jealous of the crapboy and how I should have been doing something useful instead of making this site? HAAAAAAAAH. Don't get me started, mmmmkay.
January 21, 2003
Happy Martin Luther King Day!!! Most everyone enjoyed a day off of school, or at least should have. I was informed that my hometown school district Chesterfield County Schools was the ONLY public school district in the entire frickin flippin nation to have classes today. It even earned a spot in The Washington Times, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Mississippi Herald, Some British News Website, and even on Jay Leno! YES! Finally, we will be recognized internationally... not for the prestigious academia but for the asshole BLACK superintendent. Talk about ballsy move. How can we have school on this most sacred of days... I mean Dr. Martin Luther King fought so hard for school to be canceled today. What next? Exams on Christmas? Don't even get me started about having to attend school on the birthday of Santa Claus.
In case you haven't noticed, the links are colored orange now. I figured it would help you guys out distinguishing between nonclickable text and the links. Retards. Apparently, I can't figure out how to change my link colors... I'm the retard. Just move your mouse over the entire text to find links. Retards.
Hmm... I'm just going to post a bunch of pictures that I took over the Christmas break. Check it biatch.
I suppose I will start with some pictures... of girls wrestling! Yeah, guys!!! and dykes! YEAH! Testosterone rules! Enuff. Thank you Erin and Scully for providing some eyecandy for for the 3 billion men of the world.
How bout some pictures of... Dan's rottweiler and Smit! Yeah! Let's hear it for testosterone again!
Let's see some pictures of... Christmas at Annie's! Estrogen!
Then finally, New Year's Eve Party on January 17! Lalala! These are the only pictures I took at the party...anyone else feel free to send me some. Wahoowa!
Sadly, today... the Pimpo has died. I was at the Valley Mall shopping for odds and ends along with the thousands of Mexicans and thugged out white boys that infest this town. And they all look me up and down and I look them up and down and then they look me up and down again and then I pretend to not even notice them and stare straight ahead praying that they didn't see me look them up and down the first time. Yay. Back to the Pimpo.. I got in and inserted my key into the ingition. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Fart. Click. Click. Click. Dammit. The car gave up on me. I had to call Steve and James to come and rescue me. I will forever be grateful to them. And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always loooooooooove youuuuuu. Whoa. The car is getting towed tomorrow by a guy named Mike. I called Mike up and said "Hey listen my car is dead, can you tow it?" and he says "Yeah, I guess" and I said "Ummm well what do you want me to do?" and he says "Just put the keys on the floorboard and lock up your doors and I'll get it tomorrow. Thanks, bye." and I said "Ummm well do you need to know what kind of car is it? The tag numbers? The location?" and he said "Um yeah sure." and I said "Your name isn't even Mike, is it?" and he said "Nope." and he hung up. Anyways, I'm hoping Mike comes through considering I gave him my insurance number, credit card number, social security number, phone number, address, date of birth, two valid identification cards, my passport, and three hundred dollars cash.
Well, in site news, I organized my Old Updates by months. So go there if you want to follow the life of this site since it's beginnings. I will be seriously changing hosts this month considering last month's bill was over 50 dollars. Crazy shit. So I'll give you at least a day's notice so you can spend that day going outside or something.
I figure I better mention Will47 because apparently he is on this site more than I am. I'm considering letting him take over the site and rename it willhappens. What do you think? Hello Will47.
Hello impatient assbags. Here's a little update so you can finally get your panties out of a wad. MOOOOOhaha. Well, first off, I shall talk about last night's festivities. We had our New Year's Bash on January 17, 2003 complete with Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year and the countdown to the new year, lots o' alcohol, nicely dressed up ladies and gents, and lines out the door for the bathroom so I said "Ef that" and urinated off the balcony straight onto Sam's head. Thrice. However, that wasn't the highlight of my night. The apartment complex security guards came two times, so we had to clear out all the outcasts and the fat chicks. JAYKAY dude JAYKAY. Only the fat chicks. JAYKAY again dude JAYKAY. But we really did have to clear a bunch of people out which was really a nuisance. Frown face. And we weren't allowed to have people go out on the balcony except when I have to urinate so I put up a sign on the door that said "NOBODY ON BALCONY" and ten minutes later I find the note on the floor and crumpled up. That's when I had my awakening. I realized that I am frail and powerless and nobody will listen to me, so I crapped my pants and went into my room and crawled up into the fetal position and cried like the little bitch baby that I am. Siiiiiike! HAHAHAHA! But I was ready to break some faces. OH WELL. Thanks to everyone who watched the balcony door. YAY. And then the kiddies from the second floor came and got me and said our floor aka their ceiling was about to collapse due to all the fat chicks that we didn't kick out. I went and looked and I didn't see any visible signs of collapse, but I took their word for it and kicked more people out. Since we don't have renter's insurance, we would have been held accountable for all the damage. And that is something I DEFINITELY don't want to be held accountable for, HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL!!1 Anyways, the party was a big success and fun was had by all.
Speaking of fat chicks, I watched a show on MTV about kids who went to fat camp. Talk about repulsive. The main kid weighed a tad under 400 pounds... and he had been to fat camp for fuckin eight summers in a row. He manages to lose 50 pounds every summer and then gains it all back as soon as he gets home. It appears he only goes to fat camp to get his mack on. Maybe it's just me but I don't really want to see this fat kid devouring some girl's face. I then vomited into a bucket and then I sorted out the chunks of BBQ hot pockets and ate them again. Regurgitated hot pockets are tha bomb diggity. They showed another girl who just happened to be fat... and she went waterskiing. Yay. And I quote "Even when the water was shooting straight up my ass, I still loved it!" Good, get a fucking enema. And then another girl said "It's my body, if you don't like it, you don't have to look at it!" Well, you didn't have to tell me that, girlfriend. HAHAHAAHAHA. Anyways, I really don't hate fat people... especially these fat people because even though they are fatter than fat, they are attempting to lose their massive blubber and even if they aren't successful in shedding their bodies from excess lard, I give them props for trying. The fat people who just sit around and claim it's a "disease" are the ones that should be locked away together so they can feast on each other.
My Anti Haley Joel Osment Page was featured on CollegeHumor.. so I've gotten 17,000 hits from them which puts my bandwidth charges through the roof. I have to pay an extra 45 dollars for one fucking month, and I have no sources of income. So be a pal and click on the porn links and sign up, okay? Thanks. THANKS FOR NOTHING.
BRB... I'll have pictures up soon. Word!
January 10, 2003
Hey ladies, just wanted to say that I'm still alive... it's been over 2 weeks since I've updated this here jank. I go back to school tomorrow, so then I will finally switch hosts, and then finally update once again. My new year's resolution is to update more frequently just for you guys. YAAAAAAAAAAY! So, for the time being, check out a few of my favorite sites: