of the Day (Pick one, all gross.)
Today's Word: Jelly Donut. (Thanks to whoever sends these
in, I appreciate it. You are saving three minutes of my
life by using three minutes of your life. Thanks for saving
My all-time favorite Internet clip is now available in
a remix, which turns out to be pretty catchy. I burned
the song on CD to blast through my car speakers while
I blare my whistle tips. WOO!
Bilson as The Vixen
Hollywood's hottest hottie dresses up as a domanatrix.
That's one girl I would let whip me into a pulp. THANK
YOU MAY I HAVE ANOTHER.
Shoots Self After Breakup
I can't tell if this is 100% real but if it is, it's fucking
tragic. Don't click unless you really want to see somebody
biting the bullet.
Kapowski - Cheerleading Again!
I believe this will be the final Kelly clip for awhile.
I'll put together a page for tomorrow with all 10 clips
that I've posted. YOU'RE WELCOME.
A hardhitting below-the-belt advertising campaign. Or
more like some skank in granny panties bending over in
public. Both work for me.
Isn't this what all girls do when they get together for
a slumber party? Right?! RIGHT?!!!
Game - The Slug Slayer
Awesome sand game, attack the "slug" with sand.
Who knew sand could be this much fun? THIS IS THE MOST
FUN I'VE HAD IN YEARS.
"The Impaler" Sharkey
This guy is running for governor of Minnesota. He is a
Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate
Witch. He promises to make your life the best it's ever
Here's a good idea for a trick to play on complete strangers.
Ask somebody to take a picture of you and your girlfriend,
do this, then beat the shit out the stranger. Repeat infinite.
In the middle of transferring servers so things have
been a little screwy... Any email that was sent to me
within the past 12 hours or so is lost forever, roaming
aimlessly throughout the Internet looking for its destination
that it will never reach. Links now!
Wow what an awesome finish for Vince Young and the Longhorns.
VY is now my favorite player of all time and if he goes
to the NFL then the team he plays for will be my new favorite.
If USC had won, then I would say the same about Lendale
White, but that didn't happen because they suck so badly,
right?! LINKS COMING!
O'Reilly on Letterman
"I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point
on this, but I have the feeling that about 60 percent
of what you say is crap."
UFC Knockouts of 2005
Now here is a recap for real men, the top KO's of the
Ultimate Fighting Championship put to the soundtrack
by the Bell : I'm So Excited
The most famous quote from the best show in the history
of television. (Because every high school student went
through a period of experimenting with caffeine.)
Girl Video of the Day: Aylar
Got this email shortly after I posted this: "Shes
from Norway. Shes the one that starred in 3 or 4 pornos
in the U.S then returned to Norway and claimed it was
her sister. Ha ha."
NYE in DC was a blast, couldn't have asked for a better
time. Hope everyone had an awesome time and have not already
failed at keeping their resolutions. I still do not have
any kind of updating script running, so I manually made
a page of last week's links here. Lots of
big things coming your way in the 06!
Welp this is the last post of 2005 and it's gonna be a
quickie. The past few weeks have been hectic after moving
cross country the second time in five months, but big
things are coming your way for the new year! Once again,
I'm headed to D.C. this weekend for the Big
Night D.C. drunken slopfest! Have a good
one! I'm posting mainly babe links today for the Final
For the Fellas Friday of 2005!
I swear there's a site out there that has lots of pictures
of user's stuff for sale, and the user's stuff discretely
reflecting off shiny objects.
Girl Video of the Day: Nyli Tanning
Return of the webcam girl! This time our favorite Nyli
is not dancing to crappy music, she's laying in a tanning
bed to crappy music. And what sweet, sweet crappy music
Game: Christmas Mini-Golf
Mini-Golf has been on the Internet since Al Gore invented
it, but here's another challenging version. The only thing
Christmasy about it is the intro music and the yellow
Girls Making Out
Yet another hot girl video, today has turned into a girl
vid fest... I guess nobody can complain about that! Unless
you're a girl, gay, or one of these girls fathers.
Gear: Spyker C8
This is a car made for the typical badass, and I'm not
sure what Top Gear is but this clip is pretty awesome
DIY: Sod Couch
Now this is fucking cool. I am getting more and more excited
about these DIY links, I think I post them for my sake
so I can be called the DIY GUY.
Now that I have survived through four years of college, I have matured into a nice young man in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, that is not the case for the greater graduate population. Now that I have gotten the mandatory patronizing out of the way, I am specifically talking about AIM, AOL's Instant Messenger.
My college generation just happened to be the lucky one to catch the beginning of this instant messenger wave, riding it out until graduation when it all came crashing down on the shores of the real world. Now most of us have to slave through the day with no outlets for entertainment besides looking at everyone's away messages and profiles, only to be disappointed with the other idiots who have not conformed to the following guidelines:
THINGS TO STOP DOING ON AIM AFTER GRADUATION
I was consulting with my college roommate James of CannedJam, and we've come up with some great ideas. I've attached the diagram below, which will be referred to as Exhibit A. This exhibit displays all the evidence of AIM abuse by a college grad. I will refer each line by a number.
1. Away Messages - There are so many things wrong with this one. Nobody gives a shit that you miss college, and nobody cares that you don't like working 9-5. Everyone is in the exact same boat, so the redundancy of stating the obvious is not only unnappreciated, it's borderline obnoxious. After all, you went to college just for the fact that you could get that nine-to-fiver that you already hate so much. Enjoy the next forty years of your life, dingleberry.
2. New Pics Links- A link to your Webshots with the caption "New" or "Updated" without a date gets as old as your grandmother's rotting corpse. Nobody knows if they are the same pictures as they were from the entire week before when they clicked on them, and everyone is let down and pissed off at your snapshots from your semester abroad in Spain two months ago.
3. SubProfile - Anyone with a SubProfile at this day and age was probably nicknamed "Chunky" by their peers.
4a. Misspelled common words - One of my biggest pet peeves is the inability of our so-called intelligent collegiate counterparts to spell words such as "Tomorrow", "Awesome", and "Roommate" correctly. I let this slide through my four year tenure at university, but now it's just going to have to stop before I break your teeth into aquarium bedrock.
4b. Tomorrow is Friday- The entire world knows what day of the week it is, and nobody likes you anymore.
5. Nobody has ever pregamed harder than any party, and the only thing less cool than bragging about how much they drink is putting it on your AIM profile.
6. You are a teacher, and nobody cares that you are a teacher. Nobody cares that your kids don't know their teacher blew their TA's to get passing grades, and nobody wants to look at pictures of little kids. Unless they are a hot and willing to put out.
7. Congratulations on getting into grad school, whether it be to further your education to pursue your dreams of being a doctor, or you're a fickle fuck who still can't decide on what to do in the grown up world. Really, congrats. However, nobody in the workforce is going to come visit you. YOU GO VISIT THEM. They have jobs now that aren't exactly easy to skip out on and actually have real responsibilities and alimonies to handle.
8. Listing your corporate email address in your profile does not say anything but scream ASSHOLE. Also anyone that's not half retarded knows that company email accounts are easily accessed by the aforementioned company, and anyone who uses it for personal mail deserves to be fired and fired at.
9. Those Happy Holidays links to viruses are over a year old, yet I still see some morons that still have them plastered on their profiles. You are not only a moron, but you are also a giant bag of douche.
10. Initials, anagrams, cryptic codes that can only be deciphered by one special person do nothing but piss off everybody else. Any relationship that depends on this tacky form of PDA is doomed to fail from the start, and everyone knows it.
11. Anyone and everyone who posts conversations in which the brunt of the humor is borne on the person posting it is not only funny, but also a jackass. Nobody cares that you said something that wasn't even funny to begin with, and now everyone hates you more for tooting your own horn. I said toot.
12. Cellular phones can no longer be referred to as "celly", and the numbers must follow the standard protocol of three numeric digits, three more, and then four more to round it out. As I stated before, having to decode your profile puts an unnecessary strain on the brains of the American working man, and they hate you for it.
13. Your fraternity or sorority was not cool in college, and it's even less cool now. Don't say you didn't put it in there to be cool because we all know that's the reason you bought your friends in the first place. GDI's UNITE!
Now go forth my minions and spread the word of these commandments. While all hope may be lost for us, we can strive to spare our future generations of this garbage and the downfall of this great means of communication. After all, a life without AIM is a pointless one.
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