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Dec 27 2005

posted by: Smit
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R Kelly National Anthem Disgrace!
Finally! I found the video! R Kelly pisses all over American tradition with his backup dancers and encouraging people to "clap your hands" during the darkest moment in U.S. history.

Pam Anderson Gives Howard Stern Lapdance
This is one lapdance I wouldn't mind contracting hepatitis from. Well, actually nevermind, that's sick. Literally. Shut up.

Faith the 2 Legged Dog
Ahhhh, my eyes! My stomach turns every time I see this freak of nature prancing around... AHHHHHH.

Frat House Bunny Foo Foo
Oh those crazy frat "brothers" and their manginas. NSFW.

Daily Bullz-Eye Girl: Alexia

Girl Video of the Day: Making Out
Compilation of girls from the show The "L" word making out. NSFW.

Slang of the Day
Today's Word: Webcest.
Example: "You don't get STDs from Webcest, but you should."

Daily DIY: Coke Can Fire
If you ever happen to be stranded in the woods with a can of Coke and a chocolate bar, use this to make a tiny ass fire to keep your fat ass warm and more hungry.

Young Shakira in a Bikini
Yesterday I posted this Shakira clip bending her legs behind her head, and a couple days before that I posted a Young Aniston in a bikini. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Dec 26 2005

posted by: Smit
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I hope Christmas was as great for everybody as it was for me. I got the usual for presents: clothes, money, DVD's, books, and most importantly MASSAGING SLIPPERS. They are no marshallow shooter, but they get the job done. Updating now!

Webcam Girl Video of the Day: Whip Cream!
I would be all over this if I wasn't so damn lactose intolerant.

Shakira is Flexible Video
Shakira puts her legs behind her head and her foot in her mouth and your hands in your pants.

Danwho's Bleach Face
My college roommate grew a beard for two months and bleached it three times to look like Santa. Here's the gallery.

Tan Lines from Typical Summer Activities
I am the guy second from the right and damn proud of it!

Slang of the Day
Today's Word: Funt.
Example: "Omg, Michael is such a funt."

AllProModels Babe: Nikki

Sexy Funny Commercial
Can anybody honestly tell me that they wouldn't chase this girl?

Daily DIY: Solar Powered Pizza Oven
Build a flaming inferno from that old pizza box you use as a pillow.

Falling Down the Escalator
Hhahahaha good gracious, this fall's bodacious.

Arm Wrestling Girls Kiss
All girls should dabble in lesbianism.

Baby Animals Gallery!
The largest collection of tiny baby animals that I've ever seen.

Dec 21 2005

posted by: Smit
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Two days until Christmas, what do you guys want? Enter the contest for the Triumph the Insult Dog DVD and give it to your least favorite sibling! Updating now!

Webcam Girl Video of the Day: Christmas!
Christmas comes a little early this year, and so will you.

Vida Guerra in Hot Tub
Who is this guy and how can I be him? My speakers aren't working so I have no idea what is said in the video, but really, I think I like it better that way.

Bullz-Eye Girl of the Day: Tiffany

Osama bin Laden's Niece in GQ
Okay, what the fuck. While she has nothing to do with the man, I don't imagine this will go over very well in the terrorist community.

Compilation: When Animals Attack
Nothing I like more than seeing animals getting revenge on humans.

Girls 1 on 1 PART 2!
Lots of hot drunk bishes making out and posing for the camera. YOU'RE WELCOME.

World's Fastest Cup Stacker Girl
Pretty freakin sweet skilled chick with a pretty freakin sweet worthless record.

Slang of the Day
Today's Word: Puto

Daily DIY: Toga
Finally you idiots will learn how to make a real toga rather than throwing on a dirty skidmarked sheet.

Strip Twister Gone Wrong
Warning, this is disgusting and kinda funny and probably the oldest picture on the Internet.

Camera Phone Watch
I remember the dorks in grade school had the watches with calculators. Now it's even easier to spot the dweebs and beat the crap out of them.

Year in Review: News Quiz
How much do you really know about what went on this year? Probably nothing since most of my visitors are Alzheimers's patients.

Kid's Crappy Christmas Gifts
"I'm no longer accepting junk gifts from little kids any more. This will save me the time of just having to throw it away later."

Dec 21 2005

posted by: Smit
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Received some entries for the gaming contest, plenty of opportunity to win free stuff! Coming soon is a chance to win iPod Videos and Shuffles! Enter now!

CONTEST! Dog Balloon Game
Top 5 scores sent in by Friday will get loads of stuff from Purina: shirt, hat, dog leash, dog bowl, but better yet... The Best of Triumph the Insult Dog's DVD! Click now for more details!

Webcam Girl Video of the Day: Nyli
Hottie with only the body, you never see her face... which means she's either A.) Ugly as shit. B.) Scared to show her face on the Net. C.)A man. Hey, that's what paper bags are for!

Jessica Alba's Hidden Talent
I bet this ability comes in handy when she's all alone thinking of me. I think I'll make these random celebrity clips a daily thing, too. ;-D

Reno 911: Wiggers
Perhaps my all-time favorite sketch from the show. White guys frontin' like they got culture are just asking to be made fun of.

Classic Windows 1.0 Infomercial
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer in this funny commercial to sell the first version of Windows for only $99! What's also funny is that 1.0 is the best version to date.

AllProModels Babe Vicky Vette
Stop reading and click!

Slang of the Day
Today's Word: Ufia. I think the funniest definition is the 'Uneventful Friday in Alaska' and I don't know why. Sigh. HAHAHAHA. Ha... hmph.

Stung in the Vag
News reporter is rudely disrupted by a hornet that flies up her skirt. In related news, check out the dog biting vag video I posted a couple months ago.

Daily DIY: Electric Unicycle
Quite a hefty investment but definitely worth it to swoon those superficial chicks who dig guys with a nice set of wheel.

Soundboard: Chris Griffin
The only one on the 'net! BOOOOBIES!

Game: Bend It Like Beckham
This game rocks. Too bad I suck at it and it takes fucking forever, and I think things that I suck at and take forever definitely rock.

Dec 21 2005

posted by: Smit
Myspace - Facebook - Advertise

Apparently some fucks are trying to hack my updating script and I can't login to it, but I can still update the old way. YEEEHAW. Working... now!

CONTEST! Dog Balloon Game
Top 5 scores sent in by Friday will get loads of stuff from Purina: shirt, hat, dog leash, dog bowl, but better yet... The Best of Triumph the Insult Dog's DVD! Click now for more details!

SNL: Lower Back Tattoo Remover
Hahahhaha yes! Finally a product designed to get rid of tramp stamps when the girls our age finally grow up to raise their seven kids from eight different fathers.

A Young Jennifer Aniston in a Bikini
An old hot clip of Jennifer posing for a photoshoot in the pool. IT'S ALSO FUNNY PERVS.

Bullz-Eye Girl of the Day: Mariana

I See Your Camel Toe Music Video
Hilarious parody of the Beach Boy's song "Kokomo." All about women wearing tight pants. Probably NSFW. Thanks to Rick for sending it in!

Flying's Worst Nightmare
Very clever commercial for Princess Cruise Lines. Watch to the very end!

Designated Gay Parking
This is probably designed to show a gimp in motion in getting out of a wheelchair, but I think it's three dude gimps grinding on each other.

Politically Correct Christmas
I never really understood the hype behind Larry the Cable Guy's jokes, but this clip is somewhat funny. "Git R Done" is somewhat stupid.

Braille Porn
Did you know that a lot of websites must be accessible for everyone, including the blind, by law? No? Ok, here's some Braille Porn for ya.

Slang of the Day
Today's Word: Pugwash. (Multiple definitions, but all equally disgustingly funny.)

Daily DIY: Natural Swimming Pool
I'm having trouble deciding if this is P-I-M-P or just N-A-S-T-Y S-T-A-G-N-A-N-T P-O-N-D

Sep 16 2005

Post-Grad AIM Commandments
posted by: Smit
Myspace - Facebook - Advertise

Today's New Media: 7 Flash - 3 FTF Galleries

Now that I have survived through four years of college, I have matured into a nice young man in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, that is not the case for the greater graduate population. Now that I have gotten the mandatory patronizing out of the way, I am specifically talking about AIM, AOL's Instant Messenger.

My college generation just happened to be the lucky one to catch the beginning of this instant messenger wave, riding it out until graduation when it all came crashing down on the shores of the real world. Now most of us have to slave through the day with no outlets for entertainment besides looking at everyone's away messages and profiles, only to be disappointed with the other idiots who have not conformed to the following guidelines:


I was consulting with my college roommate James of CannedJam, and we've come up with some great ideas. I've attached the diagram below, which will be referred to as Exhibit A. This exhibit displays all the evidence of AIM abuse by a college grad. I will refer each line by a number.

1. Away Messages - There are so many things wrong with this one. Nobody gives a shit that you miss college, and nobody cares that you don't like working 9-5. Everyone is in the exact same boat, so the redundancy of stating the obvious is not only unnappreciated, it's borderline obnoxious. After all, you went to college just for the fact that you could get that nine-to-fiver that you already hate so much. Enjoy the next forty years of your life, dingleberry.

2. New Pics Links- A link to your Webshots with the caption "New" or "Updated" without a date gets as old as your grandmother's rotting corpse. Nobody knows if they are the same pictures as they were from the entire week before when they clicked on them, and everyone is let down and pissed off at your snapshots from your semester abroad in Spain two months ago.

3. SubProfile - Anyone with a SubProfile at this day and age was probably nicknamed "Chunky" by their peers.

4a. Misspelled common words - One of my biggest pet peeves is the inability of our so-called intelligent collegiate counterparts to spell words such as "Tomorrow", "Awesome", and "Roommate" correctly. I let this slide through my four year tenure at university, but now it's just going to have to stop before I break your teeth into aquarium bedrock.

4b. Tomorrow is Friday- The entire world knows what day of the week it is, and nobody likes you anymore.

5. Nobody has ever pregamed harder than any party, and the only thing less cool than bragging about how much they drink is putting it on your AIM profile.

6. You are a teacher, and nobody cares that you are a teacher. Nobody cares that your kids don't know their teacher blew their TA's to get passing grades, and nobody wants to look at pictures of little kids. Unless they are a hot and willing to put out.

7. Congratulations on getting into grad school, whether it be to further your education to pursue your dreams of being a doctor, or you're a fickle fuck who still can't decide on what to do in the grown up world. Really, congrats. However, nobody in the workforce is going to come visit you. YOU GO VISIT THEM. They have jobs now that aren't exactly easy to skip out on and actually have real responsibilities and alimonies to handle.

8. Listing your corporate email address in your profile does not say anything but scream ASSHOLE. Also anyone that's not half retarded knows that company email accounts are easily accessed by the aforementioned company, and anyone who uses it for personal mail deserves to be fired and fired at.

9. Those Happy Holidays links to viruses are over a year old, yet I still see some morons that still have them plastered on their profiles. You are not only a moron, but you are also a giant bag of douche.

10. Initials, anagrams, cryptic codes that can only be deciphered by one special person do nothing but piss off everybody else. Any relationship that depends on this tacky form of PDA is doomed to fail from the start, and everyone knows it.

11. Anyone and everyone who posts conversations in which the brunt of the humor is borne on the person posting it is not only funny, but also a jackass. Nobody cares that you said something that wasn't even funny to begin with, and now everyone hates you more for tooting your own horn. I said toot.

12. Cellular phones can no longer be referred to as "celly", and the numbers must follow the standard protocol of three numeric digits, three more, and then four more to round it out. As I stated before, having to decode your profile puts an unnecessary strain on the brains of the American working man, and they hate you for it.

13. Your fraternity or sorority was not cool in college, and it's even less cool now. Don't say you didn't put it in there to be cool because we all know that's the reason you bought your friends in the first place. GDI's UNITE!

Now go forth my minions and spread the word of these commandments. While all hope may be lost for us, we can strive to spare our future generations of this garbage and the downfall of this great means of communication. After all, a life without AIM is a pointless one.

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