Happy Holidays mutherfockers. I've been doing lots of nothing and little of something. I sleep
until noon everyday and then head on over to the gym to get my work out... on. I've decided that
the gym is a great place to observe people. You really can learn a lot about people in the gym.
The Twenty-Something Loser: There's more than a couple of these in every gym. You
know, the ugly ass kid who has nothing going for him except his semi-built body. He walks around
in a perfectly hemmed cutoff shirt and warmup pants. He spends more time looking in the mirror
than lifting weights. When he does lift weights, he picks up weights entirely too heavy for him and
uses his whole body to do one curl. Dumbass doesn't realize he's only cheating himself, right
guys, right?? He usually has some out of date fashion accessory such as badly bleached hair and/or
several earrings. Can't forget the mustache. And all this is done when he has time off from his minimum wage job.
The Old Shit: The 68 year old fatass who
decides to begin an exercise routine after taking a 50 year break. He thinks exercising now will
help him live a few more years when in all actuality, it's just aiding to his massive heart attack
waiting to due him in.
The WoMAN: I'm not talking about women in general, I'm talking
about the 30+ year old women who dress in all spandex and wear weightlifting gloves and try to lift
weights in the free weight area where the real men and I hang. She is usually going through a
midlife crisis and wants to do anything to get her 20 year old body back, including lifting 2 pound
weights and getting liposuction.
The Zombie: I think the Zombie exists in all realms of
society, but today I saw more than a handful in the gym. The loser who walks with a blank stare
and never blinks and has no facial expression and you catch him staring at you in the mirror and it
looks like he looks like he's experiencing a seizure without all the convulsions... and you really
wish he was having a seizure, grand mal style.
Enough about the gym, let's talk about my car. I am going to make a spoiler for my car out of wood
and metal and aluminum foil. I'm sick of all the homies in the riced out Civics rollin' around
town trying to be badasses. Somebody needs to tell them that no matter how much money you put in
making your Civic look like a fast car, it's still a piece of shit Civic. My Tempo will blow you
away. I will put pictures of my car and newly added spoiler up here soooon, jigga.
Check out the entire process by clicking here then here then here and finally here.
There has been some complaints about my last update and how I wrote how shitty Good Charlotte is.
I'm sorry if you don't agree with me, but I am right. The song and video "Lifestyles of the Rich
and Famous" are completely hypocritical. I don't know about the rest of their new album, but I
really don't care. I lost the little respect I had for them when they came out with this bullshit.
What bands do I like? Check out AFI, Alkaline Trio, the Ataris, Boy Sets Fire, Brand New, Catch
22, Dashboard Confessional, Finch, Flogging Molly, GUK, Hey Mercedes, Homegrown, Jack's Broken
Heart, Jets to Brazil, Jimmy Eat World, The Juliana Theory, the June Spirit, Less Than Jake,
Midtown,the Movielife, NFG(older stuff), Piebald, Saves the Day, Slick Shoes, Something Corporate,
Sparta, Strike Anywhere, Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, the Used, and Green Eggs and Sam.
Music that I don't care for: Good Charlotte, Sum41, Limp Bizkit, Nickleback and Eminem. (I respect
Eminem as being a hardass and a pretty good musician, but I am annoyed by the sound of his voice
and most of all, his following. Most of the kids who listen to Eminem are rich ass suburbian white
boys who think that listening to Eminem makes them a hardass. Ummm.. wrong. You are still a big
Christina Aguilera really is a slut. Her newest album is named "Stripped" and she claims that it
is her real self. She is finally able to express true self... more like expressing Britney's true
self. As soon as Britney comes out with her sexy revealing videos, Christina is right behind her
trying to stay in the race for biggest pop queen slut.
Must be her raging whore-moans.
Click here for
the rest of her photo layout.
Hmmm... I am still waiting for your pictures of fans. So far, I've only gotten two pictures. Check
Speaking of Doop, check out Silent Devil
Productions. It's Doop's brothers' comic book company and it's wicked sweet. Just wait
til it takes over the world and sucks the blood out of your face, bitch.
In case you haven't read my first conversation with the ten year old, LITTLEDINK, then click here. And apparently this kid loves me because
he/she stalks me and IMs me all the time. Click here and here
and here and here for our most recent convos. I believe that it is really an FBI
agent trying to get me to seduce this kid... so far it's working.
I have heard that my record for the 55 meter dash at my high school as been broken. I have not
been able to confirm or reject this rumor. That pisses me off. Oh well. Now I will boast. I broke
the school record in my first ever track meet without any previous training. WHAT WHAT. And I was
ranked first in the district, 2nd in the region, and fourth in the state of Virginia in 2001. My
claim to fame is that I was the fastest white boy in the state. And I was ranked nationally, check
it out here. Then
I pulled my hamstring twice and was not able to compete in any more events. Very disappointing.
Then in the Spring, I played soccer and ran outdoor track. I went to District preliminaries and
won the 100m and 200m sprints. I had a soccer playoff game that night and of course, I get a hip
pointer and I am not able to run in the District finals the next day. Two disappointing seasons.
Anyways, I know I would have won and whooped everyone's ass... I've never lost a race when I
haven't been injured. So Michael Johnson, I am challenging you and I will smoke your ass. We can
race on national television and you will pull that same shit you did running against Donovan Bailey
because you know you are going to lose. Now I will stop boasting simply because I hate arrogance
and cockiness, bish.
Johnson realizes he's losing so he fakes an injury. Bailey appears to be winning, but really, I'm
already at the finish line.
We will be having a party at my apartment the first weekend back to JMU. Oh, this won't be any
normal party... but a New Year's Bash on January 17th. Complete with apple bobbing. Steve is taping
Dick Clark's ball drop and we will be having champagne and beers for all. Also, decorations are a
necessity. We plan on buying an insane amount of decorations on New Year's Day because they should
be at least 50% off. In addition to buying cheap decorations, I am starting a decorations
donation. Every one of you fockers will see New Year's Eve decorations and will most likely trash
them as soon as the night is over. That is where you step in and bring them to me. In order to
get into my party, you must bring a decoration. LOL!!!! No, really.
I am looking for some way to get some money for my site... I go over my 10 gigabyte bandwidth limit
every month and I am forced to pay 5 bucks for every 500 megs over, which is a shitload of money
AND I have NO job. So please send me some money. Or how about as a present to me, you tell
everyone about my site and submit it to other sites and link it on your sites. That way, I will
gain more exposure and then Nike will want to sponsor me. YAY. If any of you fockers want to link
with me, hit me up dog. I will be making teeshirts
to sell soon. You must buy one if you want to keep your life.
December 16, 2002
Hiiiii. HIIIII. I am at home now on my slow crappy computer. WAAAAH. To be completely honest, I most likely will not be updating that much over the next month. HAHAHA. It's just that I'm on a 56k AOL connection and the operating system is Windows XP for retards... the fonts are huge and are impossible to change. I need to install a new version of XP instead of this bullcrap that came preinstalled. WORD!! WORDDDD!!
Hmmm... what to rant about...how about Good Charlotte. More like Shit Charlotte. Here they are singing "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"... More like "A Song About How Rich And Famous We Really Are But We Want To Give The Impression That We Are Sooo Punk Rock To The Prepubescent Crappy MTV Audience"... fucking hypocrites. And they always host the MTV show about rock and roll videos and they are always number 1. Silly bastards. Oh and case you didn't already know, Good Charlotte is NOT punk. They are crap. Pure crap.
Enjoy my use of MS Paint... but I think a crappy paint program is appropriate for a crappy noise group. HAHAHAHA.
Here is Avril Lavigne... without the ten pounds of makeup that she wears in her "punk rock" videos. Even though her song "Complicated" had a good message and "Sk8er Boi" was catchy, Avril is NOT punk. So all you dumbass girls wearing fucking ties and millions of bracelets, bury yourselves alive.
Okay, this computer blows. Check out the following sites because they rock.
Hey homo's, real quick note.... check out my new site dedicated to Haley Joel Osment by clicking here. You can also check out a conversation I had with a ten year old kid by clicking here.
As for now, I am studying for my 5 finals that I have left. HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA. Also, be ready for the release of our new movie entitled "Mystery Jazzman Mysteries". It's quite possibly the best short film ever made. BYEBYBYBEYE.
December 6, 2002
Um. Hi. JAJAJAJA. Well, it snowed here and we got out of class on Thursday. This meant I could spend all day playing in the yellow snow. Steve and I destroyed the bitchez of 1210 L. No, we really did. And they claim to have gotten justice by vomiting all over my car. But I really didn't mind. LALA.
The pimpo... vomited on!!
Well, I have been giving a lot of visitors lately because of putting "rate my ass in a thong" in the title of my site (which I stole from lameking). Tons of people search on Yahoo! and Google for "rate my ass" and "rate my thong" and "rate smitty's ass in a thong." In case you haven't picked up on it, I know what keywords you are typing to get to my site. And most people are fucking sick. Here a few. (Cover your eyes).
"olsen twins in thongs"
"guys peeing jeans"
"my mom is a whore"
"fuck chief moose"
"girls playing field hockey naked"
"naked girls on uneven bars"
Okay, yes. If you ever come across these people. Shoot them. Tada.
It appears that most people like my layout. YAY! In case you a retard and don't understand the new layout, I'll explain:
smitcam: I will be putting up a picture of me everyday. YAY. The icons listed below me are to email and IM me. Dipshit.
navigation: The contents of my site, JACKASS.
pluggage: Links to other badass sites. Contact me if you want to be linked.
mp3: I will putting up an mp3 that I felt like sharing. I don't know how often I will change it, so don't ask.
for the fellas: A picture of a lady to entertain the male smithappens viewers.
for the ladies: A picture of a man to entertain the female smithappens viewers. DUH HAHAHAHAHA
pollage: The poll.
counters: The counters to track all you jackasses.
Recently, there has been some tension between unnamed roommates about some food issues. I'm neutral in the whole issue. It will blow over soon. We have always labeled our food in the fridge, but this time it was serious. An unidentified roommate labels his milk with a warning to anyone who drinks it.
Hmmmm... I have recently come across this photo of J.Lo eating her boogers. Sorry to burst your bubbles, but it's a fake. If you look closely, you see that she is picking her nose in the snow... then eating her "booger" when the snow stopped. Maybe it's just me, but when I pick my nose, I immediately eat it after being dug out of my nose. I don't wait that long because it loses it's taste after a short time. Maybe J. Lo likes to eat her boogers after they have hardened and crunchy... while I prefer the slimy and chewable boogers.
Okay, I have come across the official website of Iraq. I'm not shitting you, check out this story if you don't believe me. You can email Saddam yourself! YES! Check out the Iraq website here.
Okay, before I go... I want you peoples to send me pictures of you that say smithappens somewhere in it. A bunch of other sites have pictures of their fans while I have none. If I don't get any, I will never update EVER AGAIN. HAHAHAHAAHAAHA. TOOTLES.
December 2, 2002
What is up my homies? Shiiet I'm just chillin foreva in this piece. Nigga please, I'm the macaroni with the cheese. Do you like my new layout? It's black and white because I wanted to give the impression that I am really badass and hardcore. Apparently it's working because when people cross my path, they crap their pants and scurry out of the way. I'm not sure if I'm keeping this layout, but whatEV! Shizzle.
Happy 21st Birthday to naked Britney Spears! Now all we have left to look forward to is the Olsen twins' 18th birthdays. Less than 2 years!!
This was taken from the AIM Today screen... Apparently the whole world was waiting for this day.
Hmmm... today I was watching a news report on this boy who plays on the girls' field hockey team for his high school. If you don't know the rules in most high schools, I'll tell you. Members of the opposite sex can play on a "girls" or "boys" team if there is no equal team available for their sex. For instance, I know of girls that participated on the guys' wrestling team and golf team at my high school because there was no girls wrestling and no girls golf teams. Bummer, eh? But they were good, genuine athletes. I understand a girl trying to prove herself by participating at the boys level. And don't give me shit about how girls and boys are equal. Because you are wrong and I am right. Boys are naturally bigger and stronger and faster. You can't handle this here shiiiiiiet. I know of girl athletes that could kick my ass but that is not the point. Anyways, back to the show. Here this jackass guy is running around in a skirt and kicking all the girls asses. I mean... what the fuck are you trying to prove? You are 6'4, 180 pounds running around with a bunch of 5'3 120 pound girls. Of course you are going to get the ball everytime and score everytime. Fucker. He says,"Well girls can play ice hockey, so I should be able to play field hockey." Yes, yes you should. Why don't you just yell out to the world that you have no penis and no testicles and you have a mangina? I think that would achieve the same goal. All the parents and the girls are pissed cuz he's playing instead of the girls. I'd be pissed too. The coach's excuse, "Well, the six best players will be on the field, and Barry is one of the six best, even though he is a boy." What does that mean? "Even though he's a boy?" As in he's supposed to suck? Give me a break. You are lying through your teeth. You are crapping your pants everytime you win the state championship because of this cockheeb. WhatEV! I just don't agree boys should participate in girl sports just because they can. But recently I found out that all of my roommates participated in girls' sports in high school, so I stand corrected.
James destroying the competition in synchronize swimming.
Piyum just toying with em MAN. STRAIGHT TOYIN!
Steve kicking ass on the uneven bars.
Today, I made a sandwich. I was about to put it in the microwave when James suggested I put it in the brand new Sandwich Maker. It's a little machine that toasts the bread, melts the contents of the sandwich, and compresses the sandwich. Sounds genius, eh? Well, I would be the first person to use this amazing device. But James looked in the directions and pointed out something to me. "The first two or three sandwiches should not be eaten." Uhhhh... what the fuck? What happens to the first two or three sandwiches? And how can I determine if the third sandwich is safe to eat? And couldn't I just trick the Sandwich Maker and put slices of bread in there and then throw those away? Or do I have to spend 20 minutes to make one double decker triple meat and cheese king sandwich and then put it in the Sandwich Maker and then throw it away and then repeat two more times? I'm puzzled. So I didn't risk the chance of being exposed to a bad sandwich, so I microwaved it. We'll let Steve make the first three sandwiches since it is his Sandwich Maker.
Okay I am done. All you Netscape users, get Internet Explorer. The links don't show up on Netscape because Netscape sucks balls.... check out the booktrading link below. It's for JMU students only right now... But if you do go to JMU, GO TO IT NOW AND TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW AT JMU. BOOYA.