Unleash the fury, Mitch... ROAD TRIP

I'm headed to see the new Willy Wonka movie tonight, I've heard good things about it such as the squirrels that crack the nuts and put them on the conveyor belt are actually real squirrels that were trained over a few month's time and nothing screams crowdpleaser like authentic animals.

Then I'm going to New Jersey for the weekend, then back home next week, then down to Fort Bragg, North Carolina to visit Sammy and his new house off base, then to Virginia Beach the following week, then back to New Jersey specifically Atlantic City and Long Beach Island, then RP of GorillaMask is flying in to Richmond that following Tuesday to begin our cross country trip to Phoenix where I will be living and working. So if anybody is going to be in any of the places at the same time I will be there then hit me up and either say goodbye or hello. You pretty much have no excuse because I will be traversing the entire width of the continent and at some time I will be on the exact longitude as you, so would you please give us a place to stay and possibly some other free stuff? (Not applicable to non US residents not between Virginia and Arizona.) Stay tuned folks.

Posted by Smit at 07:10 PM

Pauly Shore owes me a dollar.

I just watched the long awaited premiere of "Minding the Store", Pauly Shore's new reality/comedy show on TBS. They offer a 1 dollar money back guarantee to people who did not like the show. Here's the run down.

10pm –10:10pm

Pauly and his fellow comedian buddies come up with the idea to have a “Hot Girls at the Store” comedy show. Obviously scripted and planned in advance, his chubby comedian comrade takes on a pathetic imitation of Simon Cowell by not giving fat girls a chance to speak, and hot girls the automatic go ahead. I snorted a few times, but that’s because I was huffing prescription painkillers.

10:13-10:18

Bunch of meaningless filler, Pauly attempts to hit on the “hottest” hot girl comedian and falls on his face. Pleasant surprise to see familiar faces from “Last Comic Standing” with the potential to be funny, but never amounts to anything.

10:20-10:26

The hot girls show goes on, and the jokes are either not funny or recycled old jokes.

END OF FIRST EPISODE: ZERO LAUGHS ELICITED.

10:26-10:37

Pauly visits a sex therapist. Didn’t want to hear about Pauly being a sex addict. Pauly offers his dad the chance to tour with him in Austin, Texas for $1000. Pauly tells his friends to book a caterer for one night at the club. The most interesting part of the show is experiencing the different cultural foods and finding out how much they cost. That reminds me of that one time I dropped a Snickers in the neighborhood pool and told the lifeguard my friend crapped in it and the pool was evacuated and I jumped in and ate it and everyone threw up in my mouth. Now THAT was funny.

10:39-10:45

Sammy and Pauly perform stand-up in Austin and hang out at the bar after the show. Sammy invites the waitresses from dinner to hang out, but Pauly has a contract to himself to not have casual sex with hot girls so he leaves the bar to watch pornography.

10:48-10:55

I forgot what happened because I was too busy paying attention to not being amused.

END OF SECOND EPISODE: NO CHORTLES EXPRESSED

I was so disappointed in this show that I came up with the concept of a new site, designed the site, bought and resolved the domain, and launched the site all within a half hour of the end of the show. Then I took it down 24 hours later.

Posted by Smit at 10:25 PM