Now about that cruise

I went on the Norwegian Majesty a little bit over a week ago for Spring Break, and it's taken this long to gather my thoughts and stop feeling the motion of the ocean and bumping into shit. Around 30 of my closest buddies (and me) along with over a 100 other JMU kids took the boat by storm, taking passengers hostage and firebombing the captain's quarters.

The first few days were spent at sea, where the intelligent applied sunscreen sparingly and debunked the myth that "Italians don't burn." You see my friends, James suffered third degree burns on sixty percent of his body causing an emergency stop in Cuba for a lifesaving skin graft. This could have all been prevented had he followed everyone else's lead and lathered up with some SPF.

James' mother the super travel agent hooked up our group with a free one hour open bar on one of the nights at sea. This also happened to be the perfect opportunity for the pirate party. Two waiters served the entire group, fighting off the swarms of poor drunken college kids/pirates with plastic hooks and swords. Most of the group took full advantage of this free alcohol and ordered multiple tequila shots and long island ice teas whereas Golftom ordered White Zinfandel and a tampon.

Grand Cayman was the first port that we pulled into, 7 am on Tuesday morning. Half the group went to snorkel with sting rays while the other half took it easy on Seven Mile Beach. I took it upon myself to make the best of both groups so I found a sting ray on Seven Mile Beach and kinda made out with it for a little bit. We all got back on the boat in the early afternoon, where we were greeted by the one and only Ed Brookover the Third just waking up and not giving a shit that he missed the island.

Wednesday we made it to Cozumel, Mexico around 10 am. Again the group split up into favorites, more like an "A" and "B" squad, the gifted group and the crap kids. My group went on a sailboat, snorkeled for a little bit, got back on the boat, drank lots of cheap beer, arrived at a private beach with an open bar for an hour, drank lots more cheap beer, and came back to hit up Senor Frogs before getting back on the boat. The other group sat on the dock and waited for us to stop having fun. Scully never swiped her card to get back on the boat and managed to breach security, causing a 45 minute delay while her name was called multiple times on the loudspeaker and search parties were deployed. Don't worry, she was found disgruntled and passed out in her room.

Thursday the boat arrived at Key West, a two-by-four mile island jammed pack with bars and six toed cats. We drank a lot and bought straw hats.

Saturday morning we get back to Charleston and drive eight hours back to school. I've never been on a cruise, but I must say that it was the best vacation of all time. I enjoyed dropping 700 bucks cash on alcohol and gambling and bingo. The food and nightlife were delicious, as nightlife should be. The male cruise entertainment were flamboyantly gay, which kinda got annoying and rubbed me the wrong way, nothing I hate more than homosexuals rubbing me the wrong way. Um, what?

I took some pictures which can be found here. James stole everyone else's pictures and put them up on his site. I also took some pictures from St. Patrick's Day this past week here. This right here is not a link, but merely text formatted to look like a link.

Posted by Smit at 09:50 PM

I am back from the cruise.

Yes, you read right, I am still on the cruise ship paying 75 cents a minute to let you know that I am back at school. Woo, what a trip. I took 465 pictures that I will put in a slideshow with all my friends' pictures once they FRICKING SEND THEM TO ME MY GOD! Just kidding, they aren't even aware of the fact that James and I have this amazing idea up our sleeves but WE CAN'T START UNTIL THEY SEND US THE EFFING PICTURES!!

I'll post an in-depth recap tomorow but until then enjoy this picture of me outside Cozumel, Mexico as a teaser because the other 464 pictures are of me naked in compromising situations.

Posted by Smit at 10:42 PM

I am away from my website right now.

First and foremost, Katie Holmes and her homosexual fiance Chris Klein have broken off their engagement. This means I have decided to make my official announcement that I am joining the race in pursuing her to make her my wife. I love her with all my heart and I wil do ANYTHING to make her mine. So if you are her agent, please arrange for this to happen.

Second of all, I have to plug Jiglet's DVD Power Hour because it is just awesome. It captures the true essence of college pregaming with naked women flailing around in your favorite top 40 hits uncensored videos! He sent me a copy with the rap and rock versions. Pop it in your DVD player, take a sip every time the music video changes, switch to the other genre when you're done, drink more, and then pass out alone because you have no friends. Go buy one NOW!

I have some devastating news, idiots. I am leaving tomorrow to go on a cruise for my last Spring Break as a student and my first as an illegitimate father. The previous sentence translates into "I will be postponing my daily updates because I am on vacation on a boat that charges 75 cents a minute Internet access, so PayPal me some donations so I can say I'm going to update but I won't." I will be going with a group of about 30 of my closest friends to the Caymans, Cozumel, and Key West.

I just went shopping for new shirts, boxers, socks, Dramamine, four levels of sunscreen so I don't get sun poison and throw up like last year, sunglasses, a new digital camera card, pocket harpoons, and Guinness sandals that Piyum also bought but we didn't know each other had gotten them. If that doesn't scream "Spring Break" then I don't know what does besides wet t-shirt contests and sluts grinding on each other in front of crowds of juiced up frat boys and 24 hour binge drinking and monkey jungles.

I decided to ask some fellow masters of the web friends of mine if they wanted some of their links posted on my site while I am away. (Yes, I have friends on the Internet all over the world, we all share the same interests and we all have each others backs if one were to need assistance in a back alley, I lead an entirely different life that my "real" friends haven't the slightest clue about and couldn't possibly understand, it's practically a cult, an extremely unhealthy one at that, no, not really we are just the only breed that can tell HTML jokes, understand them, and genuinely laugh at them out loud in a dark desolate locked room for 36 hours straight and cringe at the thought of social interaction and sunlight.)

So here are some links. I wouldn't click them unless your child is sitting on your lap.

p0tter's article on the joys of being a bachelor.
1215's article on how to make puke taste better.
Frank's babe videos. (He's from Ireland).
The new Maxim calendar.
Leenk's media files.

Posted by Smit at 09:21 PM