Middle class trash

Now as most of you know or do not know, that making up the plurality of my visitors, I work for the controversial student newspaper The Breeze here at good ol' JMU. The twice-weekly issues are pretty popular among the student body, not for its stellar journalism or shocking photography, but to kill time in class with it's challenging crossword puzzles and reading the featured little snippets. The typical college student could care less about how the budget has a chokehold on landscaping issues or how JMU stresses the need for blacks to enroll to increase the overall betterment of the community.

The Darts & Pats are anonymous shoutouts to people, either hailing or hating them for their actions. For example, if I wanted to thank that cute girl for smiling at me on the bus, I would send in an anonymous "pat" hoping, just hoping she would read it, find me, and slide right onto my size 33/34 waist. Or perhaps a "dart" to the tall redhead for showing some sexy legs in that miniskirt when the first taste of Spring arrives with a high of 53, from some bitter fungogirl who only rocks denim capris with stitched dragons and dafadills.

The D&P's usually squeeze a snicker outta me, no matter the issue. I couldn't get over this most recent "Dart" from today's issue.

Dart...
A "you-suck" dart to middle class white people in general.

From an upper-middle class person who is disgusted by you scumsucking lowlifes.

Wow. Yes, it was actually printed in the award-winning newspaper. And I published it on the Breeze website. Pretty ballsy move, I'd say.

We'll see the extent of the backlash come Wednesday.


Lightning will knock down that tree and knock down your soul.
Haaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.
You, too, can finally have a girlfriend!
Craig's List, the best of.
Nerdy South!

Posted by Smit at 08:45 PM | Comments (6)

Ow owww

Posted by Smit at 07:17 PM | Comments (1)

Kimmy Gibblinks!!!!

I've gotten some feedback, mostly positive but with some shall we say constructive criticism, about the new layout. Apparently the images are choppy on browsers other than Internet Explorer, and I'll try and work something out with that. Until then, stop using your shit browser and switch to IE.

I am hereby announcing a new addition, feature, exclusive, thingamajig to the site, Kimmy Gibblinks. What the Gibblinks are, are links that frankly mirror the characteristics of Full House's Kimmy Gibbler: links that are weird, cool, fascinating, out of this world, unique, hip, fucking retarded, or walking chronic yeast infections. I've either come across links as I've been wandering around the web, people have submitted to me, or I typed in random URL's to hopefully come across a gem and pass the time. All of them are safe for work viewing, unless otherwise noted.

Janet isn't as dumb as she looks
Please, please just STFU
Guess which one is Joe
Yankee or Dixie? DIXIE ALL TEH WAY.
Make your own liscence plate, continue being a loser.
"Our biggest problem is illegal cell phone use while driving."
Are you Ginger or not Ginger? FIND OUT NOW!
No Blood, No Foul!

Submit Gibblinks!

Posted by Smit at 12:36 PM | Comments (1)

This title makes zero cents (do you freakin get it?!!)

After a temporary hiatus with the site being down and all for about a week, I've come back with a vegeance and a new layout. I've just gotten sick of the old standard rectangular square tables and my face protruding through the screen on the head banner at the top, along with posts of celebrity sex tapes and pictures of college kids dressed in stupid outfits getting drunk for the sake of being in college. I took the site down for a bit after I realized how much this site has turned to porn and trash, a little too much porn and trash for my tastes. We'll save that for some other anonymous site so my face won't be associated with pornmonger. (I'll keep you informed about my socalled anonymous adult site to please perhaps 95% of the readers that stumble across this site in a lotion, tissue, locked door frenzy.)

But for now, I am going to try and slowly glide back into the purpose of the site in the first place, to inform and entertain the mass publics with whatever I feel like writing, whatever links I find, whatever else I feel about putting up on this nontrashy site.

The majority of the new layout consists of the same elements as the old design, considering I merely copied and pasted the contents of most of the old tables into the new ones. I am now putting up my hopefully weekly party picture galleries in the "Party Central" area straight above (well, maybe not straight above, just backtrack on the arrow). It's been a big focus of the site recently, so I've decided to give it it's own highlighted box.

I will be offering link trades for whoever feels like they should deserve to be on the link section above, for there is some empty space with my new rad small fonts. I'm sorry for everyone that has emailed me in the past, and I've never responded, I was just in the state of mind that I hated my site and didn't want to bother doing anything other than jumping on the celeb sex bandwagon as son as possible to get the cheap mass traffic and swollen ego for a few days at a time, forgive me.

Now that the site is back in action, leave comments and suggestions and link trades or advertisement requests (but not spam, that's been a recent trend on my comments boxes in these past couple months... spam and get banned. BAM! SPAM THEN BAM!). I'm gunna roll on out, I'll be back soon I promise. TATA.

Posted by Smit at 11:17 PM | Comments (1)

Pop Sensations Partay

Saturday night, Nicole held her much anticipated Pop Sensations party complete with jello shots and a Coors Light keg (plus a Natty keg, but we don't want to cheapen the story of the party or my site with such petty details).

Danwho kept with his gay theme by going as Boy George, James pulled off a stellar performance as one of several Enriques, Piyum went as TAFKAP, Abby and Becca reenacted the everso scandalous and so hot Britney and Madonna duo (picture below), Fannika struck poses as Posh Spice in between back bends, Ryn defied all conventions and played multiple rock stars, our host Nicole played Shakira on the verge of insanity and alcohol poisoning, Teggy teamed up with me once again as JTims, and I was simply Janet Jackson. Many people had no idea who I was, despite me rockin the saggy breasts and nipple ring and spandex and black wig. Any snide remarks inferring that I was Howard Stern or Weird Al Yankovic or Latoya Jackson were all met with a shovel to the brain.

My photo gallery is a tad bit risque and vulgar for those virgin eyes, but that's okay for two reasons. First off, it's exactly the situation that would take place if all these pop music stars met in the same confined area with plenty of alcohol and barbs. Girls just seem to shed their clothes and turn lesbo at the sight of eight Enriques and bare swollen nipples. Secondly, most of my visitors are sick freaks anyways, so who gives a shit? Click and enjoy my pictures. There are other pictures at Danwho's site which is linked on numerous occassions on this same exact page.

Posted by Smit at 08:09 PM | Comments (3)

I hate trucker hats and the idiots that wear them

Hey motherbitches. This past week has been absolutely insane in terms of this site. Google, Yahoo, and Altavista all picked up my site in the top 5 search results for "Janet Jackson Super Bowl" and other similar searches, rocketing my site to the 2006th most popular site in the world for Tuesday.* This Janet Jackson mania has put her in the record books as the most searched for combination of words in the HISTORY OF THE INTERNET. Think she gives a fuck about being banned from the Grammys? Definitely not. Her stunt has only pushed the envelope to what celebrities will do to to grab that spotlight as the most scandalous and sluttiest performances. Hey, I'm not complaining.

Tomorrow, I am going to Nicole's Pop Sensations party dressed as the Queen of Popping boners and Teggy as JTims. You know I will have pictures, so check back tomorrow. Enjoy this picture courtesy of Tyler as I go attempt to study for my fucking calculus exam on a Saturday morning.

Check out this site for Free Porn with No BS!

GET YOUR LINK HERE AND SEEN BY TENS OF THOUSANDS A DAY. EMAIL ME AT "email ATSYMBOL smithappens.com".

*Determined by Alexa.com

Posted by Smit at 10:48 PM | Comments (2)

JANET JACKSON SUPERBOWL NIPPLE SLIP

Yes, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you... Justin Timberlake upstaged his bitter ex Britney Spears by ripping off Janet Jackson's top to reveal her bare breast. I won't stall anymore, so here you go:

CLICK THE PICTURE BELOW TO SIGN UP AT MR. SKIN TO SEE JANET JACKSON AND OTHER CELEBRITIES COMPLETELY NUDE! FOR FREE!




janet jackson superbowl gallery!

Posted by Smit at 11:04 PM | Comments (1)

THE RESULTS ARE IN

Last night was the First Annual Superbowl Weekend Block Team Keg Drain. Most everyone got to the apartment around the 8 p.m. "starting time" donning their team's respective colors. After scurrying around looking for an extra tap and getting the teams pumped, the air horn was blown at 8:22, signaling the start of the race!

Each team had about 15-20 drinkers chugging at any one time, trying desperately to saturate their blood streams with as much alcohol in as little time as possible. Big Tom Abbott proved to be the man of the less-than-an-hour, chugging 17 beers before puking in the garbage can. Many trips were made by both teams outside and into the bathrooms to project as much vomit as their bodies wanted to dispose of... including all over the walls, tub, and handle of the plunger that I used to clear the clogged toilet.

There were several incidents of trash talking and racial joke slinging, but it was all in good fun. Honkies.

After our keg was spitting foam, I immediately started screaming and gloating at the blue team for I was sure that we had kicked their ass. I had tasted the sweet taste of victory mixed in with vomit only temporarily. Seconds later, Team Blue starts screaming back how they had won... Turns out each team had kicked the keg at about the same time, but fucking Team Black was still working on the beer in cups and pitchers.

TEN SECONDS DETERMINED THE WINNER. TEAM BLUE WON BY 10 FUCKING SECONDS.*

Each keg was finished just minutes shy of an hour. Everyone was plastered by 9:30, the way it should be.

*Due to the massive amount of vomit all over the walls and plunger handles, the Drinky McDrinkersons are awarded with an eleven second penalty... meaning that the Anti-Sellouts are recognized here on out as the victors by only 1 second. Thanks for the competition.

Check out the 5 pages of pictures I took last night by clicking on the picture below.


You can also check out more pictures at James' site and his Keg Drain gallery. YEEEEEAH!

Posted by Smit at 12:08 PM | Comments (3)