Smitty McSmitterson, College Grad

Welp, I'm all done and graduated from James Madison University. Now you can call me Dr. Smitty Smith, Bachelor of Science. I got a degree in Media Arts and Design with a minor in Technical and Scientific Communication, all of which means nothing to you unless you want to pay me for something that requires a four-year degree to cover your business' ass. What's next for the smitman? I've inherited four years of student loans and my own health insurance policy since my father's plan dropped me as soon as I was no longer a student. Not to mention the monthly car payments and alimony and child support that's been sucking my bank account dry.

Now some of my friends already begun their forty years of slavery respectable real world careers and others are continuing their academic careers with grad schools in the fall, but a privileged select few haven't got a fucking clue what they're doing and it's these people that give me the willpower to go on because I never want to be that low on the ladder of scum. I do have a pretty good idea of what I will be doing, that is, after an entire summer of relaxtion. Seventeen years of back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to- back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to- back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back schooling takes a lot out of a strong, burly man and this is my way of rewarding myself for all that hard work and napping.

Come August, my future should be a lot clearer with the plans all mapped out for the secret endeavors that I am going to take on. But for now, I will leave you in suspense and disgust with a tiny ass gallery of graduation pictures and the raw egg eating challenge that I passed and Amanda attempted four times, puked four times, and had a little salmonella scare, and finally Ryan Perry sleeping in my bed.

Posted May 16, 2005 at 11:36 AM