I kick my dog in the face and I don't know why

The first week of May session is now over, equivalent to 25% done of an entire regular semester. Since my class is online, meaning I don't have to physically go and interact face to face with real human beings at any scheduled time, I've been hitting up the gym. I've been more times this past week than the entire Spring semester. It's amazing how fast somebody can get out of shape, and how much pain is endured on the first few days back. Not just soreness, but pure pain ripping throughout my body. I had thought it was from dropping 45 lb. plates on my neck, legs, and arms but I wised up and realized it's just lactic acid building up in my previous sedentary muscles.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I love being in shape, being active, the thrill of athletic competition, but it's just so damn hard being motivated and disciplined enough when daily binge drinking takes over the 3 season high school athlete routine. After our first intramural soccer game last week, I've realized how much I have missed actually running for a sport rather than from the cops. (Because everyone knows I run from the cops on a weekly basis.) So I've come to the decision that I will pursue athletics after my college graduation. Doing what, you ask?

Well a few things have fallen right into place, and I feel that this is my true calling. First off, I ran the 100 meters in 10.9 seconds in high school in my first outdoor track meet ever. And triple-Olympic champion Marion Jones won the 100 meters yesterday at the U.S. Track and Field Golden Spike Tour with a time of 10.99 seconds. Meaning that I am faster than the fastest woman in the world. And it just so happens that the Olympic committee has come to the decision to allow transsexual athletes to compete. If you think you know where I am going with this, then you are most likely right. I will be the Women's sprinting gold medalist at the 2004 Athens Olympics. Hey, I've already prepared for my psychology project last year.


So anyways, I was thinking... of probably the dickest thing anybody could ever do to anybody else. Well, besides the obvious disemboweling their loved ones in front of them or purposely bumping them into a high voltage fence. Here it goes: If I won the lottery and received millions of dollars that I wouldn't know what to do with... I would not give any of it to my close friends. Rather I would give millions of dollars to my friends' family members under the one condition that they don't let the friend benefit AT ALL from their new found wealth. For instance, if my best friend's brother purchased a plasma television with my money, do NOT let my friend watch it. In fact, punch them in the face. This idea is not only genius but should also be made into a movie. Of course, I would treat all of my best friends' families to free matinee tickets.

HEY! I just experienced the smoothest shave in my entire life. I purchased the Gillette Mach 3 Power yesterday for 13 dollars. It didn't even feel like I was shaving, but merely orgasming all over my face. WHOA, WAIT THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. Damn broken backspace button.

Now that I have disgusted myself to the point of no return, here are some fantabulous links:

Check out this brilliant revenge on a Powerbook scammer.
Here is a man who couldn't pee on demand for a drug test, so he is filing suit to support his paint huffing habits.
Remember the rapper/preacher/rapper again Ma$e? Well he's back and still rockin his monotone voice. Listen to his single.
Two links of open directories of hot chicks: Hot models & Hot celebrities

Posted May 23, 2004 at 03:16 PM