: The First Annual Super Bowl Weekend Team Keg Drain LIVE DRAFT

The First Annual Super Bowl Weekend Team Keg Drain LIVE DRAFT

That's right bitches, I'm back and I'm back at it harder than I've been back at it before. Not even my 48 hours of straight up vertigo will stop me from bringing this to you. Last night was the live draft for the Team Keg Drain that will take place tonight. Now let's break it down. Hit it!

Ed Brookover the Third is the team captain of the Naked Ladies aka the Drinky McDrinkersons or whatever other bullshit he wants to pull out of his ass, and MJ Teggy directs the Anti-Sellouts on the path to victory. Michael Patrick Keown does what he does best at assuming the position as commissioner. Let's go over the rules.

Each team has a keg that will be tapped at 8 pm sharp tonight. Nicole asked what happens if you are late... and I put her in her place by explaining that the beer just doesn't get dranken and Asian Lindsey will have to pick up the slack. Now, now we don't want a catastrophe on our hands.
Only 3 vomits are allowed per team until a 1-minute-everyone-on-the-team-must-stop-drinking penalty. Oh, and puking is only allowed outside... no portable projectile canisters permitted.
All cups must never leave the main rooms of the house. For example, we don't want any player bringing a full cup to the bathroom and then peeing in the cup and then walk out with a cup overflowing onto the kitchen floor. That is not just messy, but bad for team morale.
No drinking devices or keg stands allowed. This includes but is not limited to: beer bongs, funnels, and keg stands. idiot. This wastes beer, and you are a fucking cheater.
All players must pay an entry fee of 5 dollars to cover the expenses of the beer, solo cups, team uniforms, and sawdust to spread on the vomit.
The team who finishes their own keg first is recognized as the winner. The winning team gets the entry fees from the losing team... so basically the winners don't have to pay the 5 bucks. The end.

HOW BOUT THOSE TEAMS YOU SAY? Ladies and gentlemen, here we fucking go! CLICK THE PICTURES FOR EVEN BIGGER PICTURES! WELCOME TO THE INTERNET.

Tha Commissiona:
Michael Patrick Keown acts at the announcer, the organizer, the commissioner, and the racial joke slinger all packaged into 195 pounds of raw Irish manmeat.

Team Captains:
Mark Teggetoth, the fine brother of that even finer and extremely flexible gymnast, is the mastermind and driving force behind the BLACK TEAM, THE ANTI-SELLOUTS!

Ed Brookover the Third is the coach of the DARK NAVY BLUE THAT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE BLACK TEAM, THE DRINKY MCDRINKERSONS!*

*team name subject to change, as fucking if.

THE SPINELESS DRAFTEES:

1ST ROUND

Since Ed tried to drink his beer really slow in a face-off with Teggy to see who gets first pick, it came back to blow up in his face. The beginning of his team's and personal downfall. Ed got stuck with the first pick while Teggy ran away with the next two. Here we go!

Big TOM ABBOT! The big loud tie-wearing gentle giant is a strong pick in anyone's eyes. Rumor has it he can drink like a fish. A motherfucking teeny sardiney.

Sir Shaun Staunton, Mr. 3 dolla per swalla, the King himself. Not even the HPD on Halloween could rattle his bones as he was thrown in jail dressed up as Elvis Presley. He's gotta drink like a race horse's gotta piss.

2ND ROUND:

Teggy and the Anti-Sellouts got the first pick of the second round, and it alternates each subsequent round. Got it yet, commie?

Michael Patrick Keown! Mr. public relations coming atcha as the first pick of the second round. Definitely a great choice... I'd even go as far to say an even better pick than all of Ed's picks combined. As far as not sucking goes.

Dave Woodsy, my calculus buddy. Enrolled in drinking rehabilitaton programs required once a week for breaking some funny alcohol law. Heads straight to the bar after the meetings. Solid pick.

3RD ROUND:

Brad Martelo, aka MEAT. Drinks until inebriated, then proceeds to beat the shit out of townie's windshields and other stuff. Daily.

SMATTY MCSMAT! Yours truly got picked as the sixth overall choice. Same number pick as sports superstars Shane Battier and Torry Holt. Will not disappoint. No, really.

4TH ROUND:

The one and only Joe McHale, director of Alumni Relations. Drove down from D.C. to partake in the mission known as Operation Destroyed. (Destroy ED Brookover the Third).

Ed went out on a limb with his 4th pick, choosing somebody he doesn't know real well, but anyone with a beard is sure to hold their ground. I'm working on my five o'clock shadow. Rusty makes a nice addition to the Drinky McDrinkersons.

5TH ROUND:

While I no longer remember the correct draft order, Ryan Gray, my twin, my long lost bitch bitch bitch shit bitch can fill in as the unknown choice. Anyone who works at a bar and sips Cristal with Robin Leech can handle a little Natty splatty.

Angel, the block's long lost Mexican amigo drove down from his internship in D.C. just to help the Anti-Sellouts kill that keg first in his first appearance back at JMU in the new year. YEAAAAAAAAAAAH.

THE REST OF THE PICKS:

Since I do not know what order everyone else is in, I will just wing it and let you know who is on whose team.

Ed's pick which surprised the world, picking a female...what? yes, I couldn't believe it either... a girl... wait.. just wait a minute... a GIRL in a drinking contest? Yes I shit you not... wait, she probably doesn't even have a penis?

Everyone's favorite terrorist, Piyum bin Laden is chosen as a sleeper pick for the Anti-Sellouts. Black is a great color to hide in dark places such as closets or under blankets, as well as one to drink in.

NO PICTURES LEFT: Due to death of my digital camera battery and lack of will to waste pictures on such low draft picks.

TEAM DRINKYMCDRINKERSONS:

Jenny I
Sweet Stine Backdoor Queen
Ashley the stupid slut
Joy Jiggilo Male Jiggilo
Jason the Sensation
Jam
I forget

TEAM ANTI-SELLOUTS:

Shaggy John
Billiams
Burnsy
Salamanda
SCULLY!
Oh, yeah and Asian Lindsey
I forget

EXPERT ANALYSIS:

I, being biased against the Drinky McDrinkersons because I am competing against that shit of a team, will take an unbiased view of this event.

Word has gotten out that my team has been labeled as the "underdog." I think it's just lowsy intimidation tactics being used by the opponent to try and psych us out, or fulfill their needs to enjoy the sweet taste of false hope being labeled as the "predicted favorite" before being dealt a crushing defeat.

Sure, they have Big Tom and Rusty, who can probably kill half the keg themselves, but you also got Ed to balance it out. ZING. Woodsy, Meat, James, and Ryan Gray round out the solid core of the team. The rest are just mindless pawns.

The Anti-Sellouts are stacked with the strong leadership and drinking ability of Teggy. Not to mention Shaun fuckin Staunton who can outdrink anybody in this room, piss all over the place, and do it again. MPK was born with alcohol running through his veins, and I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. Joe McHale, Billiams, Shaggy John, Burnsy, Piyum, the list goes on and on of high quality liver cirrhosisers.

THE VERDICT:

ANTI-SELLOUTS prevail as victors. Upon realizing their defeat, the Drinky McDrinkersons will attempt to sabatoge and/or bitch about the official results. MPK will put them in their place and probably kick Ed in the face.

COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE PICTURES AND RESULTS IF I AM STILL ALIVE.

Posted January 31, 2004 at 01:02 PM for GorillaMask.net | Vote for GorillaMask | E-mail | Comments (1103)

Comments

HAHAHA Classic.

Posted by: stephen on January 31, 2004 11:43 PM

Hey smat!!
I like the pictures and play by play. It looks like a damn good time and I'm sorry I missed it. Just couldn't seem to get home for the weekend from Italy ya know? I miss you guys!

Posted by: e walsh on February 2, 2004 05:31 AM

Buy Viagra, Cialis or Levitra prescription from online pharmacy:

Viagra prescription
Buy Levitra
Buy Cialis

Posted by: Viagra online on August 13, 2004 08:05 PM

I stumbled on this from Google and wanted to say thanks for posting

Posted by: Tawnee on August 17, 2004 03:04 AM

Posted by: desert casino on August 24, 2004 01:44 AM

Yours is a great site.

I have the best store to buy Cialis

Posted by: Buy Cialis on August 29, 2004 01:39 PM

There can be genuine consensual relationships involving abuse.

Posted by: free online poker on September 1, 2004 08:05 PM

Posted by: Black Booty on September 7, 2004 09:21 AM

8757 http://www.briana-banks-dot.com for Briana Banks movies. or if you would rather diecast here.

Posted by: Briana Banks on September 9, 2004 08:41 PM

3458 really nicely done. i hope all works well in timefree credit report

Posted by: free credit report on September 10, 2004 05:18 AM

4998 http://online-poker.order.gb.com heres is the place to play online poker for real dough.

Posted by: online poker on September 11, 2004 07:26 AM

5558 http://online-casino-w.netfirms.com check out this online casino for some action.

Posted by: online casino on September 12, 2004 01:19 AM

Nice site also visit Tramadol site.

Posted by: Tramadol on September 12, 2004 11:23 AM

4852 play texas hold em online for real money. http://onpak.tramadol-web.com

Posted by: Texas hold em on September 12, 2004 08:19 PM

7335 http://www.texas-hold-em-w.com online card room for texas hold em for your pleasure.

Posted by: texas hold em on September 13, 2004 05:27 PM

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better...while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Posted by: texas holdem rule on September 14, 2004 09:07 AM

7381 Very interesting poiuntsmerchant account for your pleasure.

Posted by: merchant account on September 14, 2004 11:52 AM

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Posted by: online poker on September 14, 2004 07:55 PM

The violence in the world comes about because we human beings are forever creating barriers between men who are like us and men who are not like us.

Posted by: online casino on September 15, 2004 06:01 AM

6070 http://cialis.levitra-i.com good site to buy Cialis online.

Posted by: cialis on September 15, 2004 01:10 PM

Nature abhors a vacuum.

Posted by: poker online on September 15, 2004 06:24 PM

A lot of people now find belief in God immature, and eventually a lot of people may find realism immature.

Posted by: free online poker on September 16, 2004 04:56 AM

They that deny a God destroy man's nobility; for certainly man is of kin to the beasts by his body; and, if he be not of kin to God by his spirit, he is a base and ignoble creature.

Posted by: poker online on September 16, 2004 02:48 PM

1793 http://viagra.web-cialis.com visit us to buy Viagra online.

Posted by: Buy Viagra on September 16, 2004 06:22 PM

The total absence of humour from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature.

Posted by: free poker online on September 16, 2004 07:59 PM

Looking for the best online casinos, then visit http://www.inhomecasinos.com greatgambling action and full reviews on many online casinos

Posted by: Brian on September 16, 2004 09:03 PM

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Posted by: free online poker on September 17, 2004 12:59 AM

Absolute justice is achieved by the suppression of all contradiction: therefore it destroys freedom.

Posted by: texas holdem rule on September 17, 2004 06:05 AM

As the brain changes are continuous, so do all these consciousnesses melt into each other like dissolving views. Properly they are but one protracted consciousness, one unbroken stream.

Posted by: free online poker on September 17, 2004 02:33 PM

The Christian religion not only was at first attended with miracles, but even at this day cannot be believed by any reasonable person without one.

Posted by: poker online on September 17, 2004 08:03 PM

6271 http://texas-holdem.order.gb.com play for real money at texas holdem for gaming action.

Posted by: texas holdem on September 17, 2004 10:53 PM

Posted by: Stationary Engineer on September 17, 2004 11:28 PM

Play at http://www.goldenbarcasino.com video poker blackjack slots golden bar casino http://www.goldenbarcasino.com slots slot machines best online casino best casino vegas odds free bonus casino http://www.goldenbarcasino.com

Posted by: goldenbarcasino on September 17, 2004 11:31 PM

So act as to treat humanity, whether in thine own person or in that of any other, in every case as an end withal, never as means only.

Posted by: online poker on September 18, 2004 01:20 AM

Man is a useless passion.

Posted by: free online poker on September 18, 2004 06:23 AM

You do pay a price for stating it simply, namely it's easier for the professionals to misunderstand it.

Posted by: free poker online on September 18, 2004 11:20 AM

Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.

Posted by: free poker online on September 18, 2004 04:16 PM

Ours is a culture of premature ejaculation....

Posted by: free texas holdem on September 18, 2004 09:08 PM

In history, in social life, nothing is fixed, rigid or definitive. And nothing ever will be.

Posted by: online texas holdem on September 19, 2004 01:55 AM

Know thyself.

Posted by: poker online on September 19, 2004 06:44 AM

5690 Z - thanks for teh wonderful iunsightcredit repair

Posted by: credit repair on September 19, 2004 09:41 AM

Kopfbedeckungen http://versandhaus.gelago.de/cat16396/Damen/Hosen/Tunnelzug/Kopfbedeckungen/

Posted by: Kopfbedeckungen on September 20, 2004 08:53 AM

7208 http://www.roulette-w.com click here to play roulette online.

Posted by: Roulette on September 20, 2004 11:25 AM

I like getting emails from people I know, makes me feel better every morning.

Posted by: teen sex on September 21, 2004 02:51 PM

History is philosophy derived from examples.

Posted by: texas holdem poker on September 21, 2004 09:18 PM

Posted by: phentermine on September 22, 2004 02:23 AM

Buy Viagra

Posted by: viagra on September 22, 2004 11:51 AM

Buy Cialis

Posted by: cialis on September 22, 2004 12:44 PM

Buy Cialis

Posted by: cialis on September 23, 2004 09:30 PM

Awesome sentiment! I totally agree with you!

Posted by: fleshlight on September 24, 2004 04:37 PM

2009 http://www.online-poker-big.com check out this online poker site!

Posted by: online poker on September 27, 2004 01:08 PM

While I realise I maybe be out of the topic, I just found an incredible lyric site featuring hundreds of thousands of lyrics.
If you wanna bring back some happy memories you should stop by to lyric lovers.

Posted by: lyrics on September 28, 2004 02:58 PM

3083 http://www.texas-holdem-now.com play texas holdem here!

Posted by: texas holdem on September 29, 2004 10:55 AM

3737 http://www.casino-games-i.com click fro casino games online.

Posted by: casino games on September 29, 2004 07:30 PM

1393 http://www.casino-online-i.com the best online casinos on the web.

Posted by: online casinos on September 30, 2004 05:02 PM

2517 http://blackjack-w.netfirms.com blackjack can now be played online!

Posted by: blackjack on October 3, 2004 10:49 AM

5921 Very well said http://e-debt-consolidation.netfirms.com

Posted by: http://www.e-debt-consolidation.netfirms.com on October 3, 2004 05:53 PM

3371 http://www.caribbean-poker-web.com very fun