BUY MY CAR

That's right folks, own a piece of history. I have made the decision to part with my baby, the 1991 Ford PIMPO. You better act quickly before I change my mind. Check the specs.

• Genuine 1991 Ford Tempo, none of that fake Ford bullshit that we all know and hate.
• 114,000 miles, the majority being highway mileage. Translation - many years of life left in this bad boy.
• White. The same color affiliated with the lights in the heavens. Chances are you may or may not die in this vehicle, but at least it's your VIP pass to the afterlife.
• No radio, tape player, CD player, or anything closely resembling any stereo equipment giving YOU valuable time to concentrate on the rattling sound of the muffler scraping across the asphalt.
• Fake bullet hole decals which have been recognized by the Parade magazine as the worst auto accessory of the 2003, barely beating out rims, spoilers, loud mufflers, bumpin' subwoofers, and wiggers in souped up Civics.
• Ice cream horn, complete with authentic police and emergency sirens, 46 ice cream man songs, animal sounds, a keyboard to make your own tunes, and a microphone to holla at the ladies down on the strip in Virginia Beach.

The Kelly Blue Book value of this vehicle is $386 dollars, but you know what, I will sell it to YOU for $500. That's not a misprint, 500 dollars to own a piece of history. It runs great and looks even greater. Serious bidders only. Pictures below.

I just took this front view of the monster hot ride Pimpo. I washed and waxed the exterior and vacuumed and wiped the red vinyl with my Armor All red vinyl wipes. Blang!

Five hundred dollars includes this space ALREADY designated for your audio system of choice. Don't let the man hold you down with pre-installed stereos.

See that black dot on the dash? Right above the state of the art cooling system? That, my friend, is a sticky piece of rubber just waiting for an air freshner or some other similar contraption to hide your weed.

The infamous bullet holes that turn heads and soil underwears. Now you can blend in with the thugs in downtown Richmond or Detroit driving a shitty car lit up by a Tech 9.

The keypad to the ice cream horn. Buy a 12 pack of fudge pops for 2 bucks on a hot summer day, play the horn, drive around the neighborhood slowly, watch kids run out with their life savings of coins, lure them to the car, open the fudge pop, eat it yourself, punch the brat in between the eyes, and peel out as the mother reports a suspicious vehicle talking to and punching kids in the neighborhood. Repeat the next day in a different neighborhood. Mad props if repeated the same day and/or the same neighborhood.

Now, come on. 500 dollars really is not THAT much money, especially for a quality vehicle that gets EXCELLENT gas mileage. It's perfect for high school students or even local college kids. I would not lie about that. I would still be driving it 2 hours one way to my college town up in the mountains if it weren't for my brand new Rodeo. HOT SHIT. Spread the word, and I'll pay you the difference if you find a buyer willing to spend more than the base price of 500. Email me with any questions.