Mullets, trucker hats, converse chucks, thrift store shirts, and childhood cancer can all be classified in one group characteristic of things that are really not cool if you have any of them for real, but are cool to partake in only if you are kidding and want everyone to notice and whisper to their friends about how super original and hip and trendsetting you are. Ladies and small gentle boys, I am officially adding the mustache to that group. Yeah, yeah,yeah it's been in that group for quite some time now but hasn't quite hit the "pop-punk rock" level of awesomeness. Until now.

I had planned on growing a full grown beard just because I wanted to see if I could do it, but after two weeks of walking around with scraggly pubes pasted to my face and negative feedback from smarah I decided to whack it off. What? So I shaved today and left the stache. The soup strainer. The flavor saver. The muzzy. The mustache. I already said that.

Lots of famous people have mustaches. Burt Reynolds. Graucho Marx. Adolf Hitler. Carlos Santana. Salvador Dali. Genie in Aladdin. Hulk Hogan. David Crosby. Michael Johnson. Dennis Eckersly. John Holmes. Ned Flanders. Cheech Marin. Eddie Murphy. Sonny Bono. Albert Einstein. Wade Boggs. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Yosimite Sam. Ravishing Rick Rude. Don Mattingly. Howard Carter. Mahatma Ghandi. Don King. General Custer. George Foreman. Charlie Chaplin. King George IV. Martin Luther King, Jr. And my dad. Yes, the only hairs on my dad's skull is his mustache (and eyebrows and eyelashes), and he's been rocking it since as long as I can remember. (Except that one time when he did shave it, and he looked like a turtle and wore a green sweatshirt and popped out from under my bed and roared like a tiger and scared me.) Here is a picture of my dad's stache.

I lost track and once I lose track, things start going downhill. I rarely find the motivation to write something anymore and when I do, I like to put forth my best efforts to try and put together that I'm satisfied will satisfy all you readers out there but some things just never change. That's just the way it is. Aww yeah.

I was checking my bank statement online last night and I found a 34.95 charge for electracash.com, and then I checked out the site and it appears to be a merchant check site where other sites use it to process transactions, and then I flipped back to my account and checked out September only to find another 34.95 withdrawal. Dumbfounded with my pants around my ankles, I called the electracash.com to find the information about what was going on. Turns out a man named Mike Kim has been subscribing to an adult website under my account. In response to "Do you want me to cancel the subscription?", I decided to say hell with it and fulfill my good samaritan duties and let some fraud continue getting his rocks off at my expense. So that's that.

Well actually, I was teed off and had an away message telling everyone to stab every Mike Kim they come across until one of my loyal fans J.J. mentioned to me that it was a fake name simply because of the fact that it is a palindrome. Aka the name is spelled the same backwards and forewards. So basically he's saying every single girl named Hannah is fake, every single race car driver is fake, and that God doesn't exist because Eve is fake. Not to mention that his own name JJ is a palindrome. Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen sinned. What I'm getting at is that JJ has stolen my bank account to access premium porn, bar none.

Time to study.

Posted October 20, 2003 at 09:18 PM