First title EVER!

I just installed movabletype on my site, well more like Gorilla from hooked it up, and now I can update without having to do an ounce of HTML or notepad... well maybe a quarter ounce or dime bag, but it's going to save me lots of time nonetheless. Which means all those times I didn't want to update because the process was so unneccessarily complex and time consuming and I had to be legally sober, or at least the .08 limit now that I am a legal adult, are no longer a problem. Which means that I will have to find another excuse to not update this shit and believe me, when there's a will there's a way.

I just finished working at the school paper putting the articles online, and I busted my ass finishing my part to come home and prepare to study or at least pretend to study for my effin nutrition exam in the morning... well obviously studying is not a legitimate excuse to stop the smitman from pleasing the massholes. But I am going to make this quick as I can type, which happens to be at least 60 words a minute from freshman year in high school in keyboarding class with the blue screen alpha versions of WordPerfect with Ms. Delp. Every other class period we would have timed typing excersices for speed and accuracy, and when she blows her whistle (yes, a whistle in the computer lab) everybody's hands fall to their sides. Well, I being the computer typewizard that I was and currently am and always will be, I decided one time just to go back and make a couple of lowercase characters to capital letters, and replacing a few commas with periods just to improve my perfection, but of course she notices in the reflection of the hallway window that I was slyly typing away on the keys so she runs over and hits me in the back of the neck with a ruler, takes over the computer and prints out my results to take to the front of the class and make an example of how much of a cheater I am, and gave credit to all the sub-30 words per minute students for completeing their assignments without taking shortcuts and should be rewarded for honesty and accountability while she ran to the Home Ec. room to cut out a scarlet F to pin to my bosom to show that I failed because I cheated, and I cheated because I'm a failure. Longest nonrunon sentence ever, and I don't care... I'm not going back to make corrections for I have learned that lesson seven years ago.

Back to whatever I was talking about, I'm shooting for a 4.0 this semester partly because I'm taking pretty easy and interesting courses and partly because I fucking need to in order to be hired at a clerical job at a big corporation upon graduation in order to pay back my fifty grand in loans and debt. I have my nutrition test tomorrow, but I really can't focus because I know that the questions are undeniably easy and it's hard to memorize vocab when all you need to pick out is one key word in the definition to pick out from the other ridiculous choices. So stop making me type and let me crack open my book and print out my powerpoint slides in grayscale to review, well just view, the material because I always wait until the last minutes to begin studying and for that, I kick myself in the ass.

Still gunning for that 4.0... still typing....

I gotta give a shoutout to Mike for hosting an incredible bikini oil wrestling extravaganza this past Saturday for his 21st birthday. Even though quotes from Old School are the only words that leave the mouths after alcohol enters college students across the nation, (so I hear) this bikini wrasslin was definitely reminscicent of the KY Jelly match in the movie... a room packed with 50 guys standing around a kiddy pool full of hand soap underneath the spotlight while two women demonstrate their ability to knock their opponents into submission in the least time periods. Well at least climb on each other until they've had enough earlobes being ripped and nails broken and globs of burning hand soap in their eyes. I don't know if we'll ever be able to share the pictures and videos with the world wide audience due to protecting the deceny and integrity of the twelve or so women that participated. But hey, I say let us release them and get paid sacks of moolah and you get commission and you get a permanent reminder of your perfect bodies before gaining that inevitable fourteen pounds in the wintertime. Whatever floats your boat, or tickles your pickles... MMMM piccccckkklesss..

Oh! That just reminds me.. tonight I was working the graveyard shift in the newspaper office with just me and the other webguy Kevin, when I went to take a tinkle after drinking several bottles of tap water. Successfully complete, I flush, lick my eyebrows, check myself out in the full length mirror, open the door to exit, and turn out the light. Only to find a big, cleaning lady giving me a smart remark of how she just cleaned it, and now she has to scrub the toilet once again. I'm sorry, where did I go wrong here? Isn't the toilet meant to be on the receiving end of human excretements day upon day? It's always "dirty." Not to mention the fact that I oh so proudly unleash my stream onto the tranquil pond below, not having stage fright to worry about with nobody else around and listening to my urethra strength.. so I did not even hit the sides of the john, the sides where this bitch is supposed to scrub. Anyways, I said fuck off and gave her a quarter and headed back to my desk. Speaking of wonderful urine stories, I now have a gallon sized apple juice jug under my desk to relieve myself and no longer have to worry about being too conspicious with multiple twelve ounce golden water bottles stashed away in my room. My GOD, get me out of this topic!!!!1

So my roommate, Jam83b, created a nifty little animation of Roy being attacked by a tiger which has gotten quite a bit of attention, and if you know anything about the Internet... links spread like wildfire and while it's great to get the attention and publicity, it sucks if you only have 3 gigabytes of bandwidth for the ENTIRE MONTH, a limit that he has paid to upgrade many times today to revive his site only to be shut down a few hours later. Somebody tell him to get off of his shit host, and switch to a good server... like mine, Mindlash. YOU MY BOY MINDLASH, YOU MY BOY. EARMUFFS. GLORIOUS! Fuck off. So I've decided to put a link to the picture on my site to help his little bastardchild gain even some more traffic. MOOOOAHAHAHA. Enjoy snucka.

Okay I need to fucking go, so leave me comments and tell me how you like my new format thingamajig... I love it more than oxycontin, and that's quite a statement. Stay tuned as I weed out some of the links on this site, and update sometime. PROMISE.


And two more links just added...
USE CONDOMS you fugly fuck!

Danny WHO!

Posted October 08, 2003 at 11:40 PM