Last night we had a birthday slash congratulations for staying at JMU party for our good ol pal Danwho. Complete with cake and party hats and a pinata. Crazy fockers we are. HAHAHAHA. Monday night partays, you know how we roll. Check out the pictures that I took below. Yes, they are pretty crappy but hopefully Mike will give me some that he took. So enjoy and I'm back to studying my notes that I drooled all over while sleeping at the library.
April 28, 2003
...idea. HAHAHAHAA. Who missed a day now? HUH? That's what I thought.
There's only one more week of classes and then it's on to final exams. WAH WAH. I said this last year and I'll say it again. Things will never be the same. The people you know this year, aren't going to be your friends next year. They hate you and use you now and they will hate you and use you next year. Cry me a rivah. HAHAHAHAHA. So stop sending me that damn website with a crappy poem about "only 2 weeks left" yadda yadda bullshit yadda. I don't need a crappy poet telling me that I should value my friends and my time with them and comparing me to a dandelion in the wind, slowly letting go pieces of me. I heart all of my friends. Burp.
I just recently got hired as an Online Editor for The Breeze website. If you didn't know, The Breeze is the student newspaper at JMU with like 10,000 issues in circulation on Mondays and Thursdays. I finally got a job that has any type of relevance to something that I would like to do for a possible career after college. No more dancing around in a mouse suit or being the little bag bitch at the supermarket. So do me a favor and check out The Breeze and love it. Also, check out the JMU Faculty Salaries for 2003. And leave feedback on the discussion forums. Very, very cool.
Well, sorry so short but I gotta run to class and listen to book reports. YES!!!! YEEEEAHH! Go check out Goldee Heart's website to kill some time until my next update which is tomorrow, duh. HAHAHAHA.
April 27, 2003
Hi everyone. I know I said I would update every single day, but you know what, I got busy and fell behind. But you also know what, I just changed the date on this update so it makes it look like I didn't miss a day. WHERE YOU @ NOW? But that means some time in the future I will have to write two updates in one day to make up for the lost day. Or I could just split this update into two updates. You know what, that sounds like a damn good...
April 26, 2003
I thought I would start by making a tribute to one of the greatest
musicians that I have ever come across. This man is to music as Neil
Armstrong is to astronauting and Lance Armstrong is to bicycling. No,
I'm not talking about Louie Armstrong, I am talking about Goldee
Heart. Goldee, or The Messiah as I like to call him, hails from my
hometown of Richmond, Virginia. And to think I was living up until
last month not knowing of his existence and thinking I was actually
experiencing what life is all about. I had his newest CD in my car,
completely unopened and neglected in the back seat. I had gotten the
album for free last summer when I went to Plan 9 and I received a grab
bag of free stuff for sigining up for a jazz email mailing list.
Little do they know, I gave them somebody else's email address.
Somebody else who did not get a grab bag full of goodies containing
the golden egg, Goldee's compositions of musical bliss all condensed
on a 120 mm diameter disk of polycarbonate. You might ask "What is so
great about this Goldee fella?" Perhaps James says it best
with "I thought I heard music before I heard Goldee, but now I know I
haven't." Goldee's combination of funk, jazz, hip-hop, and other
stuff that isn't even in a category yet because Goldee is so far ahead
of his time, is truly a blessing from above. I take time out of each
day to thank the Lord for gracing me with Goldee's presence. Some of
his genius lyrics are posted below:
Song: Sha Na Na Na Na
U R a lovely Lady
And I got a thing 4 U
Iíll do most anything
Just tell me what 2 do
Iím so delirious
U knock me down 2 my knees
Whatís your phone number Lady
Give it 2 me please
U R so beautiful
I love U head 2 your feet
I love those clothes u wear
Girl Uíre so unique
And U make me sing
Sha Na Na Na Na Na Na
I really don't think you can fathom the harmony of these lyrics as
they are put to the magnificent instrumental work of Goldee and his
pals. You can definitely check out the songs on his website GoldeeHeart.com.
His site is so amazingly great which is only appropriate for an artist
of his caliber. My favorite part of the site is his sweet flash
introduction which opens up right into the main page with official
Goldee merchandise for sale. This man is not only a musical
mastermind, but a marketing maestro as well. If anyone can hook me up
with an interview with Goldee, I would owe you my second born child.
This past week, two of my professors complained that they had colds
and requested that the class be quiet so that they wouldn't have to
raise their voices. I sit in the front of most of my classes because
I can't hear shit, and now I am struggling to hear them squeak out
noises only decibels above a whisper. The whole time I am not
focusing on trying to understand what they are saying, but rather I am
picturing myself sticking needles in their faces. Isn't the point of
having substitute teachers so the regular professors can stay home and
spare the students from having to leave the class all pissed off and
complaining of headaches from straining to listen to their bullshit? Yes, I know I am in college now and I am paying for my education and should be making the most out of my regular professors. Don't give me any of that crap because I personally am paying my own way through college. WHAT WHAT. And I would rather have a substitute giving me crossword puzzles to kill time than making the most out of my brain capacity. I have yet to have a substitute professor in college, I think. So all of you elementary kiddos, make the most out of your substitute days.
I'm going to leave you with this conversation that I had with some guy I've never talked to before. Enjoy.
MilitantMoose (1:05:40 PM): you son of a bitch Auto response from smit happens (1:05:40 PM): wah wah wah wah wah
smit happens (3:52:47 PM): you got a problem?
MilitantMoose (5:56:03 PM): did i IM you?
smit happens (5:56:10 PM): hah yes
MilitantMoose (5:56:17 PM): i don't know man, i've been high for like 10
smit happens (5:56:22 PM): hahahahaha
smit happens (5:56:25 PM): thats okay
MilitantMoose (5:56:39 PM): i think i just went to your site and the colors
were way too bright
smit happens (5:56:45 PM): hahahahha
smit happens (5:56:48 PM): thats funny as shit
April 25, 2003
Hi everyone, I decided to let Jeremy write an update for me because I don't feel like writing one. AHAHHHA. So check it out and love it.
Hello ladies and gents. Jeremy here. The all knowing being referred
to as Smitty has decided to give me a go at this whole update shindig. First things first. Smitty is trying to sell his ticket to the Pearl Jam concert next Saturday for $42. Itís in Pennsylvania somewhere between Amish Country and Canada so there better be some Turkey Hill ice cream or some bacon included with this purchase. What a show itís going to be. I like Pearl Jam, only 5 years ago and not now. Their old stuff is cool and a very good representation of the whole Seattle grunge thing, but whenís the last time a Pearl Jam single came out? Yeah, I donít give a ratís ass either. Maybe if they played all their old songs at my birthday party I would pay $42 dollars. And Smitty you are very welcome for my helping to convince people to buy your ticket.
In worldly news, the war with Iraq is finally OVER? But where are all
those weapons of mass distraction? I mean destruction. Oh there arenít any? Whoíd have thought it? I guess all Dubyaís strategery was for naught. Thereís always the rest of the world to conquer. I donít see why the U.S. doesnít just conquer Antarctica. I guarantee no one would ever try to take it away from us seeing as itís a frozen wasteland and all. It would be a lot easier to take over too, because the only people there are pop-sickled scientists. Dubya could put a tax on skiing and BAM! End of deficit. Speaking of skiing, I almost ran over a turtle today. The little sucker came out of nowhere. I walked around my car to check for cats and rabbits and then, seeing it was clear, got in my car and changed the CD and then ran back in to get a drink and used the bathroom and took out the trash and went
back to my car and four legs and a shell appeared out of thin air. I backed out unbeknownst to the little guy and I saw him once he passed under my car. Donít worry though, heís A OK. I threw him across the street and over my neighbors yard into the lake.
Thatís all for now folks. Hope you enjoyed the slight change in
April 24, 2003
Hellooo. I just woke up from my 3 hour nap. I haven't been able to sleep much recently. And when I do, I wake up with a throat caked with dried mucus and a nose full of snot. That is why I bought my effin humidifier but apparently it's not pulling it's end of the bargain. I chugged some Food Lion brand Nyquil so I could catch some zees, and now I feel like I am floating and that's not a good thing or a bad thing, it's just a thing.
My last post about the ECP sparked some interesting comments. While I am not looking to turn my site into a forum for arguments, I do appreciate the opinions that were expressed, especially the ones that helped further the debate. I was also told that the group CARE had nothing to do with the actual conception (appropriate word I might add) of the petition. SGA was responsible for the petition, whereas CARE and other organizations rallied behind it and urged people to sign it. Hope that clears up any confusion. I forget what else I was going to say. I don't really feel like arguing about it anymore because that's all that's been happening in the last few days and to be quite honest, I don't really care if the BOV's decision is overturned or remains firm. No, I'm not senseless, it's just an issue that I don't feel strongly about. But the argument was fun. Wink face.
Okay, well I plan on going to get drunkdafied so I'm going to end it short here and give you some links to check out. Whistle goes whoo WHOOT!
WARNING --- This may offend people. If you are going to be offended, then leave. Feel free to leave comments to express your opinion after reading this, but if you feel the need to lash out at me and label me as ďignorantĒ and ďinsensitiveĒ and wish that I was ďanally rapedĒ, Iím going to just disregard and delete the post. Yup.
There is a big controversy going on around the JMU campus. And I quote an email from Dr. Warner, Senior Vice President Student Affairs.
Until April 18, 2003, the University Health Center medical staff members were able to prescribe and dispense Emergency Contraceptive Pills. These pills known as Plan B, are not considered "abortion pills" by the FDA. They act as emergency contraceptives.
At the meeting, the Board of Visitors made two decisions
regarding Emergency Contraception Pills:
(1) The Board reaffirmed the ability of JMU Health
Center Physicians to prescribe Emergency
Contraceptive Pills, and
(2) The Board directed the University Health Center to
discontinue the dispensing of Emergency
Contraceptive Pills. Students will now need to
have the prescriptions for Emergency Contraceptive
Pills, written by University Health Center
physicians, filled at community pharmacies.
If you are not able to understand that, the Health Center has stopped being able to distribute the pill to students. They can only prescribe it, and the student must fill the prescription at a local pharmacy, such as Rite-Aid, a ďnine minute walk from the Quad.Ē These actions by the BOV has sparked an outrage amongst thousands of students, with the SGA and CARE programs taking the initiative to start a petition to overturn the decision. At first, I didnít think twice about the whole issue because itís not something that pertains to me directly. Then when I got swamped with IMís and people commanding me to sign the petition, I just thought about it a bit. I said I was not in favor of the petition, and in turn, earned me the title of being ďignorantĒ and ďinsensitiveĒ and ďoffensiveĒ and etc., for not agreeing with their opinion. First off, I want to start out by making a few points clear.
1. I am NOT in favor of rape. Anybody with any shred of humanity and/or decency is not in favor of rape. Just because I am not involved with an anti-rape organization does not mean that I donít have just as strong as feelings as they do. But they seem to think otherwise.
2. I am NOT against CARE or 1 in 4, or any other anti-rape, sexual assault, or womenís rights group. I really do respect the comfort and support that these groups provide for the community. Donít forget that.
3. I am NOT against the use of the ECP. Since it is not an abortion drug, and since it should only be used in real emergencies, I am in favor of its existence. If I were ever in the situation where ECP could be used, I would encourage it.
Now that you grasp those three core ideas, I want you to hear me out.
1. The main argument that was thrown in my face was the fact that the pill should be readily available for girls that have been raped. They want to go to the health center to get the pill conveniently, inexpensively, and anonymously. First off all, it is not the rape victims that are bitching and moaning about the pill not being available. Second of all, even though I know rape is a very serious matter, the percentage of girls that are actually raped and could be at risk of being pregnant is not very high. A girl is more at risk to get a sexually transmitted disease than getting pregnant. And mainly, since your argument is for the rape victims, you should encourage them to get checked out at a real hospital or doctorís office, rather than the health center. Yes, I know that the last thing that rape survivors want to do is go to the police and go to the hospital and get all types of exams, but maybe perhaps if they were encouraged and supported throughout this process, and actually were cared about dealing with their well-being as well as other girlsí well-being, they could get through the whole ordeal. And how such a low number of rapes are reported, and how 99% of the victims knew their attackers. Does that make it okay to not report it? Maybe you should encourage her to report it? Any man who is raping a woman should not be allowed in society. Apparently, that means I am ignorant because thatís reality, and we should just accept it as reality. We canít do anything about it, so oh well. Itís that the excuse that this whole issue is about rape victims irks me. Itís just a faÁade of how rape victims can just go to the health center and pop an ECP and all is well.
2. After I explained how the issue was not about rape, the argument shifted from it being an issue of rape to being an issue of accidents. I was thrown all kinds of statistics about how birth control and other kinds of contraception fail. Accidents do happen. In this case, the girl can go to the health center and get the pill prescribed, and she can go to Rite-Aid right down the street. Iím sorry it costs a tad bit more than the health center would have cost, but I donít really see it to be a big price to pay when you only use it once or twice. Unless of course, you are dependent on this pill quite frequently, and I donít really feel sorry for you having to pay this extra money. Girls may be too embarrassed to go to Rite-Aid to get the pill. In this case, you arenít mature enough to be engaging in sexual intercourse. Iím sorry itís true.
3. By not having the pill available at the health center, maybe students will be a little bit more careful in their decision to engage in high-risk behavior. (This is not about rape or failed contraceptives.) Itís really sad that itís made such a huge commotion. Itís deemed acceptable by a society that is saturated with sex, to not take responsibility for his or her lifestyle. We demand that we have access to the pill at our convenience. We think it is absurd that we have to walk nine minutes down the road to get a pill that is needed for our irresponsibility. Sad, really sad.
The main point that I wanted to get across was the action that members of CARE have taken is ridiculous. Just because I am not involved in CARE does not give any right whatsoever to lash out at me because I differ in opinion. Just because you are involved in the group does not mean you are superior to me in any way. For instance, not to make light of the situation, suppose I start an organization about Anti- Dismemberment of Babies. Just because I am in the group doesnít mean that everyone outside of the group is in favor of DoB. And just because they might not agree with ADoB, doesnít give me the right to label them as ďignorantĒ and ďinsensitive.Ē There are two sides to every controversy, and listening to both of them is vital to reaching a resolution. It helps to have an open mind, you should try it sometime. Oh, and I hope you ďget anally raped.Ē
April 22, 2003
Hello. Or Marhaba for all my Arabic friends. Happy Earth Day. I remember in elementary school, my fifth grade class constructed all these games and activities for the Earth Day fair thingie at the local park. We made a kickass rendition of monopoly (don't worry, the money was printed on recycled paper... NOT. HAHAHA.) and we played it in the sun while people watched us. How fun is that for the visitors? Watching kids play Earthopoly? If I wasn't so lucky to in the Earthopoloy inner circle, I would have threatened to tie the kids to their beloved trees and thrown corrosive acid on them. But that's just me. Anyways, I was very close to not being on the Earth day crew. My teacher was drawing names out of a hat for who gets to go and play Earthopoly and who doesn't get to go. Of course with my luck, I didn't get drawn. What did I do? I cried. The big, bad top-of-the-totem-pole fifth grader is fucking bawling like a little baby. Who does that? I do. And I got to go. WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!
When I think of Earth Day, I think of hippies. I'M SORRY, MAYBE THAT'S STEREOTYPING BUT IT'S WHAT I THINK WHEN I THINK OF EARTH DAY. Jeez. It's like when you think of me, you think of a combination between Brad Pitt and Emmanuel Lewis. Anyways, hippies aren't a bad thing. I never said they were. Get at me dog.
The other day on the bus, there was this obviously malnutritioned vegan chick sporting all kinds of buttons and anti-meat propaganda and the whole time Steve and I were picturing ourselves making lots of quarter-pounder juicy hamburgers and just throwing them at her. Stupid bitch. I wouldn't have minded her but of course she has to tell the world that she doesn't eat animal products. You don't see me running around with a shirt that says "EAT MEAT, PLANTS ARE FOR LOSERS" or "ANIMALS HAVE RIGHTS...TO BE IN MY STOMACH" or "ENDANGERED ANIMALS ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME... SO LET'S HURRY UP AND EAT THEM." Wow, that's are really good ideas for shirts...a crank is turning in my head... but for now, enjoy some vegan and vegetarian jokes that I have come across:
How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, but where do you get your protein?
How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN! (Pump fist in air for emphasis)
How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, vegans can't change anything.
If animals weren't meant to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?
Here are some useful sites on THA NET.
The Smoking Gun- I'm sure most of you have been to or heard of this site, if not, go now. It's your source for lots of fresh documents that can't be found anywhere else on the web. They are obtained from government and law enforcement sources, via Freedom of Information requests, and from court files nationwide, guarantee everything there is 100% authentic. Check out the Archives, as well as with the mug shots.
Nitpickers- This site is a huge database for almost every single movie... and and people post what is wrong with them. Very, very cool.
Songmeanings- Your source for finding out what the hell your favorite song means. Thousands of bands are listed, even those lyrical geniuses Good Charlotte and Sum 41, and the lyrics are posted. People post how they interpret the songs. Here's an idea- maybe you should interpret the song for yourself. MY GOD, PEOPLE.
Snopes- Here is the site to find out if all those myths or urban legends are true. There's a shitload of them, and they are all categorized neatly. My favorite is this one about men losing their arms in a tug of war contest. And the best part is IT'S TRUE! And even better...THERE'S PICTURES! You are quite welcome.
Before I go, I just wanted to urge you to check out the comments on my Anti Haley Joel Osment site because they are... funny. Apparently, real Haley Joel fans are searching Yahoo! and coming across my site. And they leave these really really mean comments that make me want to cry. HAHAHHAAH. Apparently, my comments sections go down ALL THE FUCKING TIME... so check back if the comments don't show up. Somebody tell me how to make a new comments section. In fact, here's an email I will leave you with...
From: "Jennifer Adams"
Subject: about haley
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 19:15:00 +0800
do you have an extense vocab? did you miss classes or stop going when they told u what crapping means? the only thing u do is repeat yourself. do me a favour, don't look at yourself in the mirror,you may get a fright....gees if u think haley is ugly, there are no words to define u. u want to be a comedian???????'' don't even try, cos you have such a slim chance. u don't know what funny is.
April 21, 2003
What is up playas and playettes? I've decided that I am now going to update every single day... even it's just to say hello, goodbye, shoot yourself. Nobody likes a stale site, and everyone likes a fresh site. HHAHA. Why the sudden change of heart? Because it really doesn't take too long to update even just a little...and usually when I think about writing something, I just take a nap. I've decided to attempt to be more productive in all aspects of my life. Whether it be studies, getting a job, cleaning, updating this site, or sleeping... hahahahahhaha. Also, Ryan Perry updates his site everyday and it just gives me motivation.
Well yesterday was the Easter holiday, you know, the celebration of the Easter Bunny's birthday. I spent the day with my family at my sister's place at UVa. We went to her church for service in the morning, and to be honest, I haven't been to church in awhile. Ever since I was little, I was basically forced to go and partly because I was young and partly because I can't hear what the hell the priest is saying, I did not like going at all. When I got older, I was pretty much given the choice to go to church and I never really went. When I got to college, I haven't gone except on the major holidays. Anyways, I'm not going to get all religiousy on you but I just wanted to point out a few things that I notice whenever I do go to church:
There's always a kid screaming or crying during the moments of silent prayer, or exactly when the priest says something meaningful, causing me to hate that child. Oh, don't give me that crap how I shouldn't hate that child because whenever somebody's child is acting up, the other parents in the congregation will let you know that your child is being a problem. You may have noticed it too. A child cries. Everybody's head automatically turns to the child and parents. And everyone's face is the exact same. Annoyance. Anger. Disgust. Hatred. People are assholes.
I always manage to sit in front of the worst and/or loudest singer in the mass. The cantor comes on and the congregation sings in response. There is no need to try and outsing the entire church. You suck at singing and stop yelling in my ear. Just because you are louder than everyone does not mean you are any closer to Heaven. In fact, God has banned you from Heaven for it.
My priest tells the same jokes every year at Christmas. And the whole place laughs uncontrollably every year. For one, it is not funny. For two, you have heard this joke for the last ten years. For three, God still hates you.
If you go to Church, don't just sit there and read the bulletin. Why are you even at Church if you aren't going to listen and absorb what is going on around you? Just because you go to a place of worship one hour out of your-oh-so-busy week, you think "that counts" for going to Church. Nope, get out and stay out.
Okay, well that was a little longer note about Church... something that I'm not really an expert on. Hah. Sorry if I offended anybody, didn't mean to. I'm proud to say I'm Christian and believe, even if I haven't been good at going to mass. Blush face.
Just wanted to give a shoutout to Doop at Redrocketsauce because he's been hosting a bunch of my big, bandwidth sucking files for a long time and I have yet to switch them back over. I will get to it, I promise... soon. HAWAAAAAAAWWWWN.
I also added a little mp3 section to the site, you can find it if you look for it. I'll change the songs periodocally. I totally botched that word.
Here's a few things that I'll leave you with to ponder until TOMORROW'S UPDATE! YAY!
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
April 19, 2003
Hello friends and neighbors. Sorry I've been slacking, and you are lucky that today is SMITHAPPENS.COM'S ONE YEAR BIRTHDAY! because otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten off my ass to update at all. Yes, one year ago is when this site was created. Oh, the memories. Ah, the mammaries. Ew, the ingrown toenails. One of my first updates was about my ingrown toenail and it turned out to be a big fan favorite. And guess what ladies? What better way to spend the one year anniversary of Smithappens.com than having another ingrown toenail?? That's right... I, Smitty, have another ingrown toenail! I will put up a picture soon as the swellingness and the mucuous buildup and the infection spread, don't you worry. According to one of my counters at the bottom of the page, there have been 95,632 unique visitors to this site within 365 days. And according to my other counter, there have been 84,840 unique visitors in the last 192 days. Which makes me wonder which counter is right and which counter is bullshitting me OR I only got 10,000 visits in the first half of the site's existence... I don't really know and you don't really care. BAH!
Steve and Piyum are at JMU celebrating the Easter holiday constructing a chair out of beer cans. We have about three weeks worth of empty or half empty beer cans set up in a big beeramid on our kitchen table, and then last night Steve jumped into the cans destroying our beloved beeramid aka the love palace for the hundreds of flies that feel the need to attack my face while I am curled up in my bed snuggling with my teddy bear.
Everytime I go to Dukes, I get the same sandwich: hot ham and cheese. Recently, there must have been a new wave of employment because these rookies are destroying my sandwich. The other day I opened up my wrapper and I was shocked and awed. The sandwich was CUT IN HALF. You don't go to McDonald's and get a Big Mac that is cut in half. The sandwich was smushed in order to cut it as well. I still ate it but the whole time I was thinking about how the sandwich was cut and how I was so disrespected so I was not able to enjoy it. Cutting a man's sandwich is equivalent to taking a cute little bear cub from his mother and shoving it in a wood chipper and spraying it all over the momma bear. It's just something that isn't very nice.
This semester is almost over, and then I'm staying at JMU for summer school. YES! So I will be here all summer while everyone else is getting skin cancer at the beach. Hopefully I'll start updating the more regularly now that I will have some more time, but don't count on it. HAHHAHAAHHA.
Well this is going to be quick because I've got to study some statistics. I've been studying a
lot this week so I haven't been doing much other than that. In case you wonder where I go when I
study, you can find me in the juvenile section of the library downstairs in the basement. I
always sit in the same old seat and same rickety wooden desk unless there's somebody occupying
it. I find myself getting pissed off when I walk down there and somebody is in my seat. They
have just as much of a right to sit at the desk as I do, yet I get upset and sit somewhere else
in the juvi section and all I can think about is how I am not sitting in my normal seat and I get
discouraged and my attempts to study are a failure. However, when I am at my desk, I am in a
state of ecstasy. It's an entirely different realm of utopia... a parallel universe if you will.
Where else can you study at a college at an ancient, uncomfortable wooden desk with Where's
Waldo books just an arm's length away and a scorching furnace that I always manage to also bump
into just the other arm's length away? Oh, and the mutant cockroaches constantly popping out when
I least expect them only adds to the excitement. Now don't go stealing my seat now, ya heard.
Last night I was up watching television right before I go to bed and I was watching an HBO
documentary on methamphetamine addicts. What a bunch of lowlifes. I've never done "crank" and I
never care to either. What really got to me was this pregnant chick whose husband is a bigtime
crank addict. She gave such a heartfelt monologue about how once the baby is born, he must stop
doing drugs or she's leaving him. Her tears and her raw emotions almost caused me to overlook
the cigarettes she was smoking. Are you fucking kidding me? You are worried about the welfare
of your unborn baby yet you are shoving carcinogens and toxic fumes straight into his system.
People like you ought to be quarantined in a room full of SARS patients and sneezed on.
Okay, that's all I can afford to put up. Go to the links below because they all deserve to be
er.. gone to.
I got an email this past week from SSgt Rearick, a member of the United States armed forces
stationed overseas. I thought I would share it with all you anti-war hippies. Check it:
Just want you to know that your site doesn't go
unnoticed by some of us
military foke, personally i'm lucky enough to be
over here in england
for the war, not in hell with the other guys but
trust me, we're doing
our part here in the rear getting those guys what
they need. But as I
was saying several of us check out your site
everyday and get a kick out
of the anti war protester bashing, they dont realize
it but it really
does get us down when we try to leave work in the
afternoon and there's
people spitting and cursing at us when we're just
trying to do our jobs
(They do it here in England to, not just the states,
but they hate the
French to). Thanks for givin us a little support on
the homefront and if
you want a flag or something flown on refueling
mission (I work on KC135
tankers) I'll be glad to try to get one for you, we
support, keep it up and we'll keep reading
SSgt A. Rearick
So all of the protestors that still insist on protesting, think about the men and women that are
risking their own lives to protect the rights that we have, including protesting. I also thought
I'd share this
article about protestors. After reading the email and that article, if you still want to
protest, you're just an asshole.
What do you get when you combine a bunch of nontalented wannabe actors slash singers and a pile
of shit? California Dreams. I saw two episodes today for the first time in years. I forgot
about that show, and I wish it remained forgotten. It's so horrible that it's addicting and I
have to watch it. The chinese chick got ahold of her father's credit card, and what happens? Of
course she goes out and buys tons of ridiculous shit, like a limosuine to take them to the
Bodacious Beach Bash. And of course she goes over her limit and she's all worried that her dad
is going to kill her. Why is it that every fricking teen sitcom has an episode dedicated to one
of the actresses getting a credit card and going crazy and then it's a big dilemma on how to pay
back the parents. (Yes I said actresses because no guy is ever going to get ahold of his parents'
credit card and go ballistic and go to the mall and buy tons of clothes and limos with that
magical plastic card and think that he never has to pay back his parents... unless he's a spoiled
little bitch and/or a flaming homosexual.) Anyways the chinese chick calls up her dad and he
screams on the phone and tells her that she is coming back to Hong Kong. What kind of father
threatens to send his child halfway around the world just because she spent a thousand dollars on
his credit card? And when she gets off the phone, she tells the gang that she has to go back to
China and they all say "Aww, that's too bad." If someone threatened to move my chinese friend
back home, I would laugh and get on the phone and cuss the old man out. And encourage my chinese
friend to file for legal dependency and sever all ties with his immediate family and all
affiliation with the homeland. That'll show his family not to fuck with my chinese friend. Of
course the dad flies to California from Hong Kong and then determines that she doesn't have to
leave. "Alright, well go unpack your stuff." The chinese chick has a chinese sad face and walks
to her bags and then turns around and says "Wait, did you just say unpack?" And the dad smiles
and says "Yes, you can stay." And she runs and gives him a hug. Gag me. Right now would be the
perfect time to test our nuclear weapons on these pathetic sacks.
oh, and another horrible show that is ALWAYS on is Sister, Sister. I remember NerdRevenge did a rant about that show
awhile ago, and I must agree. Absolutely horrible. I don't care about Tia or Tamara and neither
should you. I remember one show when the mom told one of the twins that she bought her something
and the little brat blurted out "A new computer with CD-ROM capability and a 28.8 bps modem?"
HAHAHA. Everyone knows that that computer sucks! Man, is she dumb. And so are the show's
producers and editors for letting that slip air... actually for letting the entire series air.
Tia and Tamera, you suck. You always will suck and I hope you suffer debilitating injuries to
your faces so your careers as actresses will be over.
Bah humbug. I am going to post some jokes because I like jokes:
A man wants to build a house, and he determines that he needs 999 bricks to build this house.
He goes to the hardware store and asks for 999 bricks and they only have bricks in blocks of
1000. So he figures that will do, and purchases the 1000 bricks. He goes home and builds his
house with 999 bricks. He is holding the extra brick in his hands. Guess what he does with the
extra brick? He throws it in the air! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Did you see that new camping movie? It's intense.
How do you tell one end of a worm from the other? Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Helen Keller on Broadway: I say tomato you say "munahawaha". I say potato you say
"menahmenah". (I'm sorry, that was just cruel.)
What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking
bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a bathtub? You can't eat a bathtub.
A man goes on a plane with his pet duck and he is smoking a cigar. The flight attendent says
"Um, sir, you're not allowed to have ducks on the plane so you're going to have throw him out the
duck chute." He says okay and throws his duck out of the plane. She also says "Um, sir, you're
not allowed to smoke cigars on the plane so you're going to have to throw the cigar out the cigar
chute." Once again he obliges and throws the cigar out the cigar chute. Then the man looks out
the window to see his pet duck flying alongside the plane. Guess what the duck had in his mouth?
Over this past weekend, the inhabitants of 1145 J (my apartment, dipshit) received a noise
violation from Ashby Crossing. Steve and Piyum had about 20 people over and were having a good
ol' time when the Ashby security guards came up and knocked on the door. They just said to not
have people on the balcony. Everyone came inside and the festivities continued. Then on Monday
a noise violation with a fine of 100 dollars was given to us. Which is total bullshit. No
neighbors complained about the noise. It wasn't that noisy to begin with. There was no incident
report. The new management of Ashby can just give out noise violations whenver they feel like
it. James went and talked to the head lady, and she was a bitch... So James has started an
Anti-Ashby online petition encouraging all Ashby residents to sign the petition against the new
management. If this bullshit continues, we are going to make it our goal in life to encourage
everyone to move out of Ashby, and tell everyone not to ever move here. So go here and follow the
Do you ever wonder what I do when I get on the computer? No? Well, I'm telling you anyways
jackass. I do the normal routine of checking email and IM yadda yadda. And I play spades on
Yahoo! games a lot. Sometimes I check out the weather to see if it's cold enough to wear the
same jeans and same sweatshirt that I wear every single day of the winter. Ocassionally, I check
out my high school sports
website to see how the teams are doing and if anybody is close to breaking my 55m dash
record. I normally frequent the same sites every day. And those sites are listed in my
"Favorites" section. Here's the rundown.
Lameking.net- Spooner is a frickin
hilarious student at Kent State University. He writes things about the people the people he
meets and the chicks he dates. Absolutely hilarious.
Jiglet.net- John's Crawlspace provides
great updates that include tons of links to random shit and hot chicks.
CrazyFuckedUpShit.net- A webmaster forum...
aka a place where people who make sites similar to mine come together and talk smack.
Cannedjam.com- My roommate James' site
if you didn't already know. I'm addicted.
Bah, I don't feel like writing descriptions for every link. Obviously if they are on my
Favorites list then obviously they are good, so go to them all. Sorry if I left out a description
for your site, no hard feelings. HAHAHAHAAH. If you think your site should be linked on my site,
then email me homies.
I'm going to add a fans page with all the pictures that anyone has ever submitted to me, even if
it's not a cute little picture of some chick holding up a sign that says "I LOVE SMITHAPPENS.COM"
because I don't get fan signs, ever. So send them if you want. If not, die. You can send me
fan videos, I would like that.
Speaking of videos, I haven't put up videos up on here in a long time. Mainly because they suck
up the bandwidth resulting in me paying more money. But you can check out my music video that I
just made. Well, not really a music video, pretty much me just singing the song that I made up
called "If You Were a Monkey". So enjoy my musical talents and send me
a video telling me what kind of monkey you would be.
I'm going to continue and add different sections onto the site. I'm putting up a section for the
everyone seems to visit this site for. I have no porn on this site so go away. But you can go
to the links on the right and enjoy all you want.
April 2, 2003
Yeh YEAAAAAAAH. Okay so the site got a facelift, and most of you like it. And I like it too.
HAHAHAHA. I will be continuing to add more stuff now that it's so much more easier to work with.
Leave me commments on what you wanna see me add. OR NOT. HAHAHA.
Recently, my badass aviator glasses broke. I was emotionally shaken and distraught. I paid
about 10 bucks for them at Wal-Mart, and they have treated me well. Or so I thought. Little did
I know that I was damaging my sight while rockin my sporty shades. Steve pointed out that they
were just simply tinted pieces of glass that provide no UV protection. And they actually cause
my pupils to open wider due to the darkness thus letting in even more UV rays! YES! Which got me
to thinking... why do blind people wear nice sunglasses? Yes, I understand that they don't want
people looking at their sockets full of bloody pulp or don't want to freak people out with their
freakyass stares of death or they don't want people to laugh at their obviously fake glass eye,
but can't they just cover their horrible deformities with maybe some... 10 DOLLAR AVIATOR
GLASSES! It's not like they have any working retinas to save. HAHAHA. I was sitting down at a
restaraunt and I saw a blind man donning some sweetass Dragon shades and I thought to myself
"Carpe Diem." I waited for him to take them off so he could rinse out his sockets and then I
pounced on them as if there was no tomorrow. Don't worry, I replaced his shades with some 10
dollar Foakleys, he'll never know... unless he can read that I wrote "KICK ME" on the sides in
My previous poll that I had for the last month was on "What do you call a funnel with a tube
attatched to it to drink beer." And the overwhelming response was "beer bong" which my friends,
is the correct answer. DING DING! Congratulations you're not an idiot! You see, JMU is infested
with tons of Jersey and Long Island kids who claim that the word "funnel" is the word to use for
our beer guzzling contraption. Very good guys, yes, there is a funnel attatched to it! So I'm
guessing by your logic, you would call a "car" a "tire" or perhaps a "pair of jeans" a "zipper"
or perhaps your beloved "pie" a "pepperoni." Oh and for further proof of your wrongness, Rachel
Green stated on "Friends", which happens to be set in New York City, the words "beer bong." Yeah,
that's right, I said it. Whoot!
As for the war debate on my previous post, I've decided that I'm not going to devote my site to
the war and not try and convince all you anti-war peoples that you are oh so unbelievebly wrong
and naive. I have heard that my post pissed people off. Hah, well I'm NOT sorry. And some
chick at a party was going apeshit on James and Piyum and was saying how all pro-war peoples need
to "open our eyes." Give me a break, biatch. Open YOUR eyes. Oh, and don't forget that
protestors are the reason that we lost Vietnam.